To Hear Your Voice
by Yay Ninja Bob
Summary: COMPLETE. Slash. KyleCartman. Kyle's POV. 'He was always doing this. He knew that I knew that he knew he was always trying to beat me, and I trying to beat him. It was a game. Constantly.' PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Rivals

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

**Chapter 1: Rivals**

I sat down at my desk just as the bell rang for third period. Stan who sat next to me in our English 3 Honors class, leaned in his seat towards me, "Kyle," he whispered, "What the hell was last night's anthology reading about?"

I shook my head and laughed a little, "Too busy to do your homework again, Stan?"

"Just tell me the basics. I don't wanna get busted, Dude."

"Short story. Main character's name is Miss Emily. She's an old lady that lives by herself and one day she dies. When they find her dead, they discover the dead body of her ex-boyfriend in her house. Written in third person limited."

"Alright, alright," Ms. Elliot, our teacher, said walking up to her podium, "Everyone take your seats."

"Thanks," Stan whispered before turning in his desk. Stan was smart, but he was the laziest person I knew, except when it came to Football of course. He and Kenny were able to wedge their way into honors because of their talent in athletics, unlike me who was the traditional geek.

"I trust that everyone read _A Rose for Emily_ like I assigned." The class laughed a little. Even in honors, a teacher could never expect _every_ student to actually do their homework. "I was going to write you a quiz. Don't be too disappointed that I decided against it. Let's just have a literary discussion today, yes? Now... themes?"

I raised my hand.

"Yes, Kyle?"

"Loneliness."

"Good." Ms. Elliot looked to the other side of the room, where Eric Cartman sat with his hand raised. He grinned diabolically at me, as always. "Yes, Eric?"

Without taking his evil, little stare off me, "Society's negative influence."

"Very good," Ms. Elliot replied, causing Cartman's evil smile to widen. Why was it that he only tried to do well in the classes that I shared with him? He just loved to beat me at everything.

"Any more?" Ms. Elliot looked throughout the room.

I raised my hand again, "Fear?"

"Very good, Kyle. What was it that Miss Emily feared?"

"Um, being alone forever..." I answered a little uncertain.

Cartman's hand shot up, "I think she feared what everyone thought about her," he said in a boasting tone, "In those days women who didn't marry were freaks. She was afraid people would think she was weird and that society would outcast her and that's what in turn lead her to kill her boyfriend who was afraid to commit."

Ms. Elliot nodded at him, "Very nice, Eric."

I glared at him and he wore a satisfied smile. So he wanted to play? So be it. I raised my hand, "But being afraid of what society thought wasn't Miss Emily's concern at all. She was the richest women in the town and was too proud to go out of her way to simply go get her own groceries. Even when the town talked about how strange she was not to ever leave her house, she didn't care. She did what she pleased."

"But," Cartman suddenly said, not bothering to raise his hand, "This story is from the modern era. That era's literature concerning _change_. Obviously as the world around her changed, so did Miss Emily. Maybe she wasn't afraid of society in the beginning, but in the end she was."

"This story isn't from the modern era," I argued, forgetting to raise my own hand, and only concerned in proving the fat ass wrong, whether or not I believed in what I was arguing myself, "It's a realist story."

"It's modernism. You can tell from the constant mentioning of Miss Emily's rotting old house. Symbolism, Broflovski. Symbolism," Cartman's eyes narrowed.

I subconsciously pounded my fists on the desk, "I _know_ what symbolism is, and I _know_ what realism is when I read it. _This is realism_."

"Alright, alright, Boys," Ms. Elliot interrupted, "This story has been labeled as both _realism_ and _modernism_, so you're both correct."

I relaxed a little in my seat, but kept my glare on Cartman, but only because he kept his on me. He was always doing this. Trying to prove me wrong in everything. That's the way things have always been between us. There was this unspoken rivalry between us two. He knew that I knew that he knew he was always trying to beat me, and I trying to beat him. It was a game. Constantly.

I don't know why I cared. It was really stupid once you thought about it. Who cares if that boring ass story was modernism or realism? It was just one of the things Cartman was so easily capable of doing to me. Making me give a damn about stupid shit. Making me work my ass off just to spite him. I had to. If he beat me, he'd throw it in my face and brag about it for eternity.

And sometimes he'd fuck me over big time. He'd act like he cared about me and I actually would believe him. He would act like an actual friend for once and then it'd turn out to be completely fake. I remember when he screwed me over the biggest he ever had when the two of us were just freshmen in high school.

I was gay and he found out some how. He bugged the shit out of me for days, trying to get me to admit it. I still don't know how he figured it out. "Come on, Kyle. Trust me," he said, "You can tell me, buddy. We've been friends all our lives and I know that you really need to get this off your chest."

I remember looking into his eyes and thinking that I _saw_ his sincerity. I remember thinking that he truly did care and that he wanted to help in some way. And then I sighed and admitted, "I think I'm in love with Kenny..."

And then he laughed. I remember feeling my heart physically break right then. His laughter was the cruelest thing I ever experienced. I hated him so much.

But as much as I hated him, I couldn't help but appreciate the little kindness he showed. He never told Kenny about my crush on him. He didn't tell anyone, but then again he didn't waist anytime in telling the world that I was a big Jew fag either. But the fact was that he didn't exploit my biggest secret of all. And as much as an asshole he was, he did deserve some credit for that.

Kenny was possibly the hottest guy in South Park High. If you liked guys, you liked Kenny. And he loved it. He was a constant flirt and never single. He always had an arm around some girl's waist, and sometimes two. He wasn't looking for love. He was looking for somewhere to put his dick. I guess that's why I gave up on the thought of the two of us.

I ignored anything that I thought what could be love, telling myself that it was just teenage hormones. Kenny, although just a friend, flirted with me just as much he would with anyone else. He only did it because he knew I was gay and liked to mess with me because of it. He'd tell me to stop checking out guys that I wasn't even looking at, and grabbed my ass when he said it.­ I'd glare at him, although I did enjoy it to be completely honest.

"Dude, thank God we didn't have a quiz on that shit. It would've killed my grade," Stan said shoving his books into his locker after school that day.

"You did get lucky _again_," I said pulling out my history book and shoving it in my backpack. I threw my backpack over my shoulder and slammed my locker shut, double checking to see if it locked right. I leaned on my locker waiting for Stan to finish packing up.

I felt a big tug on my backpack, almost causing me to fall backwards, "Ready, Jew?" Cartman said standing beside me.

"Fuck you," I replied as always.

"You guys got Debate again?" Stan asked jamming a few books into his backpack.

"Yeah," I answered, "Unfortunately," I cocked my head in Cartman's direction and Stan and I laughed.

"Whatever," Carman muttered.

Stan and I continued to laugh until I felt that familiar hand on my ass, "Back off, Marsh. Broflovski's mine," Kenny said grinning at me and throwing an arm around my shoulder.

"Man, fuck off," I said pushing him away.

Kenny just smiled at me and then turned his attention to Stan, "Dude, double date tomorrow night."

"With who?" Stan asked throwing his backpack on.

"Wendy and Bebe."

"Dude, I'm not going out with Wendy again."

"Who said anything about _you_ taking Wendy? Her fine, sweet ass is mine. You can have Bebe."

"I dunno, Kenny..."

Cartman let out an annoyed sigh, "Come on, we're already late," he rolled his eyes at me. He started to walk away and I waved at Stan and Kenny and followed him.

The two of us were on the school's debate and speech team. For nearly a month now, the two of us had been preparing for our next competition that was just a week away. Cartman and I were the only ones competing in this contest in particular. It was the regionals for the Annual NMA American Enterprise Speech Contest. Only two students from every school were allowed to enter and Mrs. Carlen, our debate coach, picked us.

We got to Mrs. Carlen's room and she was already waiting for us. Cartman was quick to blame me, "Sorry Mrs. Carlen, but Kyle here is on Jew time."

I just glared at him.

"That's fine, that's fine," She said opening her drawer in her desk to retrieve a stop watch, "I've only got enough time to hear one of you run through your speeches today and then I gotta run to a faculty meeting. I'll listen to the other one tomorrow." She sat down at her desk, "Kyle, why don't you go first?"

I nodded and walked to the other end of the room where the podium was and stood behind it, placing my three page long speech in front of me.

"Now Eric, I want you to take mental notes on what Kyle does well and what he needs to improve on, okay?" She looked at me holding up the stop watch, "Ready, Kyle?"

I took a deep breath and gave her a nod.

"Go."

"Who really runs the runs the American Enterprise System? The government? Most would say that, but the government's solitary role in the economy is to look out for every American. Like the caring parents of the nation, the government ensures the safety of the people..." I could feel my heart thumping inside my chest, and my voice shake a little. I wasn't too good at talking in front of people. It was always hard to start, but once I was about half a minute into one of my speeches, my nerves usually calmed.

"...Unlike a socialist economy, which is ran strictly by the government, our nation's economy allows for many freedoms in the world of business. Not only does the success of the economy lie within the hands of the consumer, but also within the hands of the voter..." I tried to remember every little hand gesture I had strategically planned while writing the speech and the emphases on certain words. But as always, I was half way into the thing and I forgot at least half of the crap.

My eyes wandered over to the clock. Shit, I was ending the damn speech way too early. "...I believe Dwight D. Eisenhower best described the faults of socialism when he said, 'If you want total security, go to prison. There you are fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking," cue dramatic pause, "is freedom.' Thank you." I cringed knowing what I was about to hear.

"Way too short, Kyle," Mrs. Carlen said shaking her head at the stop watch in her hands, "Way too short."

"I know," I said stepping away from the podium.

"Just under four minutes. You need at least four and a half to qualify. Five minutes is what the judges ask for, and if you don't have it, you're not going to win."

"I know," I said again, "Its just... well, it's the _American Enterprise System_...its pretty treacherous."

Mrs. Carlen laughed a little, standing up from her seat. She, Cartman, and I walked to the door of the classroom, "I have to get to that meeting now. Eric, you tell Kyle what he needs to work on and maybe a few suggestions on how to lengthen his speech, okay?"

Cartman nodded, "Sure thing, Mrs. Carlen."

Cartman and I stood side by side and watched our coach disappear down the hall. Cartman looked at me sideways, "Doing anything?"

"Nah."

"Wanna work on our speeches at my place then?"

I nodded and the two of us headed to the school parking lot. I waited and waited for Cartman to say what I knew what was coming. "You're speech is too short."

"I know," I said a little annoyed. He had to point out the obvious, didn't he?

"And," he said just as we came to his car, "You researched the wrong shit." He opened the door and slid into the driver's seat.

I got into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut, "What the fuck do you mean _I researched the wrong shit_?"

Cartman pulled on his seatbelt and I did the same, "Yeah, you got that bunch of crap about the Enterprise System and all those numbers and shit, but that's not what you need."

He pulled out of the parking lot and we were on the road to his house, "And what is it that I need, Fat Ass?"

"Why the fuck should I tell you? I want that five hundred dollar check, Jew boy."

I rolled my eyes and then stared down at my speech that I still held in my hands. I wasn't missing anything in this speech. He was just trying to make me feel stupid. _Him_ make _me_ feel stupid? I couldn't help but laugh.

"You researched the American Enterprise System. You should've researched the old geezers that are going to be judging this shit contest."

I stared at him.

"You need to learn how to suck up some more in your speeches. Do a little ass kissing. Stop talking all these facts and figures and shit and throw in some retarded poem to get them to like you."

"A poem?" I laughed, "You're not serious, are you?"

"As serious as ever, Jew. Poems. They eat that shit up."

We arrived at his house and were immediately greeted by Mrs. Cartman with a plate full of chocolate chip cookies. "Would you like one, Kyle?"

I shook my head, "Nah, no thanks, Mrs. Cartman. I'm not hungry..."

One of Mrs. Cartman's boyfriends at the time showed up behind her and snatched a cookie off the plate, giving Cartman's mom a slap on the ass just before he walked away. I looked at Cartman who glared at the guy and then continued on up to his room, and I followed.

When we got to his room, he right away turned around and snapped, "Fuck you, Jew!"

I blinked at him. He must've thought I was about to call his mom a whore or something. Well, I honestly was, so I kept my mouth shut. I threw my backpack onto the floor and sat down on his bed with my speech in my hands. "You really think a poem would work?" I couldn't believe I was actually considering it.

Cartman smiled at me, showing an evil satisfaction, believing that he had convinced me that he was right about my speech. He wandered over to a hamster cage on his night stand, "Stupid rat..." he muttered to himself as he poured hamster feed into the rodent's food bin. The white and brown spotted hamster came out from the wheel it was running in to eat. Cartman turned around and faced me, "Poem or bullshit about freedom, I'd say." He pulled out his computer chair from his desk and sat in it backwards, facing me.

"Your not just trying to trick me into putting something completely stupid into my speech so that I'd lose, are you?"

Cartman laughed a little and shook his head, "Trust me, Dude."

I blinked at him, "I dunno..." He had to be tricking me again.

"Fine. Forget it. You don't want my help, fine."

I was quiet as I looked down at the speech in my hands, trying to decipher whether or not I could take Cartman's word on this.

"You also need to work on eye contact."

I looked up at the fatty, "What?"

"You didn't make any eye contact with me while you gave your speech."

"Sure I did."

He shook his head, "You looked at me, but not directly in the eyes." He paused for a while, "Go on and read your speech again. Look me in the eyes when you do it, though."

I sat up a little and Cartman wheeled his chair over in front of me. I cleared my throat to begin.

"And," Cartman said before I could start, "If you take your eyes off of mine for even a split second, I'll have to kick you square in the balls."

"_What?_" I yelled, "What if I forget a line and have to look down at my paper?"

"Then skip the line, or be kicked in the nuts. Your choice."

I glared at him. I cleared my throat and began, "Who really runs the American Enterprise System?..." I kept my stare on Cartman. My green eyes locked with his brown ones. It felt so awkward to be so close to each other, staring into each other's eyes like that. And the fat ass never seemed to blink either. He stared, looking absorbed and actually listening to what I was saying. He looked like he was actually _listening. _Did he really care about helping me? He couldn't. No, he was just waiting for me to screw up and look somewhere else so he could kick me in the balls. What an asshole.

"...In the 1990s the United States accounted for about five percent of the world's population, but it was in turn responsible for..." Shit. I forgot. "It was responsible for... for..."

Without tearing his eyes from mine, Cartman wheeled his chair closer, so that our faces were only maybe two inches apart, "_Don't even think about it._" I felt him snatch the speech from my hands.

"Uh..." Damn, he was so close. It was only making me forget even more. "It was... uh... it was responsible for... for..." Keep your eyes on his. _Keep them there_. "It was responsible for..." I couldn't do it. This was impossible. "Uh... Cartman, do you think you could scoot back just a little?"

Cartman's eyes narrowed and an evil smile swept his face. He scooted closer so that our noses practically touched.

I glared at him. He was not going to beat me. "In the 1990s the United States accounted for about five percent of the world's population, but it was in turn responsible for more than twenty-five percent of the world's economic output..." I got it. I continued with my speech, not allowing myself to forget a single word. I had to show Cartman wrong. And as I continued talking, I saw Cartman's devilish smile only increase, causing me to talk louder and louder for some reason. I guess it was because I thought that he thought that I thought that he was beating me again.

"...I believe Dwight D. Eisenhower best described the faults of socialism when he said, 'If you want total security, go to prison. There you are fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom.'"

Cartman never blinked and his face never moved. He sat there just grinning at me for quite some time as I breathed heavily after rushing through the last minute of that speech so quickly. I felt my face a little red because of the awkwardness of our position.

"I still say you need a poem," Cartman grinned.

"Fuck you."

He smiled at me even more. Why were our eyes still locked when my speech was over? Why were we still so close? Why wasn't he moving? ...Why wasn't _I_ moving? I felt my face blush even more, despite the fact that I was scowling angrily at Eric.

Just then the two of us jumped a little as we heard something clash and break downstairs.

"_God dammit! Look what you made me do!_" I heard Eric's mother's boyfriend yell from downstairs.

"_Look what **I** made you do? Get the hell out of my house!_"

"_Fine, whore!_" A door slammed.

I blinked at the door for a while and then at Eric who had finally backed up a little. He simply threw my speech at me, "Let's go through it again."

"What about your mom? Shouldn't we make sure everything's--"

"She's fine."

I stared at him for a long time. "Okay..." I looked down at my speech and pretended to look like I was reading it over in my head, but I was really thinking about Eric. I felt a little sorry for him and the whole thing with his mom. I then remembered how close we were just before the screaming happened and I felt myself blush again. Why the fuck was I blushing? I shook my thoughts from my head, "I think I'm gonna have to rewrite this a bit tonight," I said flipping through the pages. I looked up at him, "How 'bout you do your speech for me now, Eric?"

He blinked at me, "Did you just call me _Eric_?"

I paused, "I... guess I did..."

He raised an eyebrow at me and then stood up to retrieve his backpack from the floor. He took out a notebook and pulled out some wrinkly papers, and then sat back down in his chair. He grinned at me, "Listen, Kyle. Listen and learn."

I glared at him. I hated him _so much_.


	2. Arsenic

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

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**A/N: I dedicate this chapter to the lovely SofaKingDanny because I love her and she's gotta be one of the biggest KyleCartman fans out there. Danny, you are way too cool. Thanks for being there since fanfic number one.**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Arsenic**

I went home and rewrote my speech. I didn't put any poem in it though. No matter what Cartman said, I wouldn't do something as retarded as that. But I did add in a lot of bull shit on freedom and the founding fathers of America. My speech went from three pages to five. That's two pages of pure bull shit. God, I hoped the fat ass was right about this crap.

I printed out the newly edited speech and reclined in my computer chair, reciting the thing to myself multiple times. I was interrupted the sixth or seventh time by a sudden instant message on my computer. It was Stan.

_Have dinner yet?_

_No._

_Burger King with Kenny and me?_

_Sure._

_See ya there._

_Ok._

I signed off my computer. Kenny, Stan, and I did this a lot. It was mostly because Stan and Kenny were the kind of guys that hated being indoors for more than a few hours at a time. I went to my closet and searched for a jacket. I decided on my hooded black school sweater and pulled it on. The green writing that said _South Park Cows_ had long since faded and began to peel away over the past two and a half years. I would've gotten a new one, but I honestly didn't see the point when this one still fitted so well. I was the only one of my friends who had stopped growing since about the seventh grade, standing for the rest of my life at a pathetic five foot two.

I ran downstairs and I found my father sitting in the living room reading the newspaper, "Dad, can I have the car keys?"

"Where're you going?" he asked without looking up from the paper, already reaching into his pants pocket for the keys.

"Burger King with the guys."

He tossed me the keys, muttering something to himself. He was probably complaining about the lack of health and nutrition found in fast food meals. I ran out the door and was in the car headed towards the restaurant. I inexplicably found myself making a stop at Cartman's house. I sat in the car, staring at the house for quite some time, before turning off the car and stepping out. I walked up to the front door and rang the door bell. Mrs. Cartman answered the door.

I stared at her for a while, noticing that her eye make up was smudged like she had been crying, "Uh, hello Mrs. Cartman... Is Eric home?"

"What do you want?" his voice came from inside. His mother disappeared and he now stood in her place. He looked at me apathetically, yet wearing a look of somewhat satisfaction that I had came to visit him.

"Stan, Kenny, and I are gonna go eat at Burger King. Wanna come?"

He shrugged, "Yeah, sure." He closed the door and reopened it several minutes later, now wearing a light grey hooded jacket.

We got in the car and started off. "I finished rewriting my speech," I informed him.

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow, "Oh?"

"I didn't put a poem in though."

He huffed, "Would've suited your girly little Jew self well."

"Fuck you."

He grinned evilly.

I came to a red light and turned in my seat to send him a full glare, only causing his smile to broaden. Why the fuck did I go and pick him up in the first place? I really regretted it then. The light turned green and Cartman leaned over to turn on the radio.

The Libertines sang on the radio, "_If you wanna try, if you wanna try, there's no worse you could do. Oh oh oh. I know you lie, I know you lie. I'm still in love with you. Oh oh oh. Can't take me anywhere. I take you anywhere. You can't take me anywhere. I can't take you anywhere. Oh, I'll take you anywhere you wanna go. Oh, you can't stand me now. No, you can't stand me now. You can't stand me now. Oh, you can't stand me now. You can't stand me now. No, you can't stand me now. You can't stand me now. **You can't stand me now**_."

I glanced sideways at Eric and we caught each others' eyes, before I quickly returned my attention to the road again.

"_Have we enough to keep it together? Or do we just keep on pretending and hope our luck is never ending? You tried to pull the wool. I wasn't feeling too clever. And you take all that you land in, until you need amendin'. Oh, if you wanna try, if you wanna try, there's no worse you could do. Oh oh oh..."_

"Nice going, Jew. You missed the fucking place."

"What?" I looked in my rear view mirror and spotted Burger King in the distance, "Shit!" I quickly made a U-turn. He laughed at me.

"_Oh, you can't stand me now. No, you can't stand me now. You can't stand me now. No, you can't stand me now. You can't stand me now. No, you can't stand me now. You can't stand me now..."_

I was blushing again. What the hell? I pulled into the parking lot and gratefully turned off the car, at long last shutting up the radio along with it.

Stan and Kenny were already waiting for us. Or at least for me. They weren't expecting Cartman to come, and were a little surprised that I had brought him. "What're you trying to do, Kyle?" Stan had said, "Put this place outta business by bringing the human disposal?"

The four of us got in line to order our food. I really wished Kenny hadn't gotten behind me, because it was only a matter of time before I felt a pinch on the ass, "No flirting with the cash register guy now."

I rolled my eyes at Kenny, "Whatever..." I wasn't even looking at the guy and once I did, I found that the dude had to be at least ten or more years older than me, not to mention terribly plagued with acne.

I only ordered fries and a small chocolate shake, not being too hungry. The four of us sat at a booth; Stan and I side by side and Kenny and Cartman side by side. "How do you consider _that_ a meal, Carrot Top?" Cartman said giving me a disgusted look.

"We can't all eat like you," Stan replied.

"All three of us combined couldn't eat like you," I grinned behind a french fry.

Cartman's brown eyes narrowed at me and I felt him stomp painfully on my right foot.

"_Ow, fuck!_" I screamed. I threw the fry I had at him, which he caught and ate, laughing.

Stan and Kenny laughed, Cartman grinned at me evilly, and I scowled back at him.

"Its okay, Kyle. You can have one of mine." I looked over at Kenny, who had a french fry sticking out from his mouth. He raised his eyebrows playfully at me and winked.

"Man, screw you, you horny bastard."

Kenny grinned at me, taking the fry from his mouth and beginning to play with it with his tongue. I rolled my eyes at him and turned my gaze down to my food.

"You know you like it, you queer," Cartman muttered.

I quickly looked up at him and stared at him angrily. "I'm sure your mom would enjoy it more. She needs a new fuck anyway."

"**_Fuck you!_**" he yelled, standing up and pounding on the table so hard, it shook a little. He started off angrily towards the exit.

I blinked at him for a while, regretting what I had said, feeling a pinch of guilt weigh down my heart. I stood up and quickly chased after him, "Eric..._ Eric_, come back..." I ran in front of him, stopping him in his tracks, "Eric, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said that..."

He stared at me, "I hate you." He brushed past me and went outside.

I followed him, "Where are you going?"

"Home," he answered, not stopping.

"You're gonna walk?"

"_Yes._ This _fatty_ is gonna _walk. Ha ha ha_."

I caught up with him and grabbed his arm, "Come on, Dude."

He spun around and faced me, "What the fuck do you want?"

I frowned at him, "Just come back in and finish eating, Eric."

He stared down at me wearing a look of somewhat confusion. I just noticed that I still had my hands grasping onto and holding his thick arm and I felt my face go red once again. I quickly let go. Why was I feeling like this all of a sudden? I blinked up at him, waiting for him to say something.

He didn't say anything to me, but turned around and began to head back for the restaurant. I kept two steps behind him, careful not to say anything, fearing that it would send him in the other direction again. We sat back down with Stan and Kenny who were quiet at our return.

I glanced at Stan who gave me an odd sort of look. I could physically feel my face still red and he obviously noticed it. I pretended to look somewhere else. What the hell was wrong with me?

"What's he got that I don't?" Kenny suddenly interrupted my thoughts. I then noticed that I was absent mindly staring at the guy who worked the cash register.

Kenny smirked at me and I rolled my eyes at him, "Whatever..." I muttered.

* * *

I found myself blushing around Eric a lot more since then. I didn't grasp exactly why. The next day, I had to face him first period in our Geology class. To make matters worse, we were lab partners. As we worked on our lab, I avoided eye contact with him. I also hesitated to grab every piece of equipment, only causing for us to grab the object at the same time, and in turn causing my face to turn another shade of red. 

We both reached for the same beaker and as soon as our hands touched, we both let go abruptly. The beaker fell to the floor and broke, causing the entire class to stop working for an instant and stare at us two.

"Nice one," Cartman sneered.

I glared at him, "It wasn't my god damn fault. _You_ let it go."

"_You_ did."

Mr. Stevens, our Geology teacher, came with a broom, "It's alright boys," he sighed. "Go on into the supply room and get another."

Cartman and I walked to the opposite side of the class room and into the supply room which was basically like a closet jammed with science crap in the most unorganized manner imaginable. I walked all the way to the back to look for the beakers, while Cartman did his search towards the front. I pulled down cardboard box after cardboard box, succeeding in getting a cloud full of dust in the face each time and sneezing continuously, which Cartman found hilarious.

"Shut up, Fat Ass," I said rubbing my nose and shoving a box back in place.

He simply smirked at me and continued looking throughout the shelves.

I finally pulled down the box filled with beakers. I received so much dust in the face at that point, I was overcome by an extreme coughing fit. "Got it," I coughed. I pulled out a beaker and returned the box to its rightful place, coughing a few last times. I looked over at Cartman who held something in his hand that he kept his eyes on, looking intrigued at whatever it was. "What's that?" I asked.

He glanced at me and then shoved whatever it was into his front pocket.

"Are you stealing school supplies?" I walked over to him.

He rolled his eyes at me and left the room without saying anything. I stood in the room for a while, unsure of what I should do. I decided to leave it alone for now. I didn't feel like getting into an argument in the middle of the class we had already interrupted for the day.

But in English, I of course found myself in another pointless debate with the asshole. I think Ms. Elliot would just be better off putting an end to the literary discussion days. It was basically a free day for everyone else and just a fight between Cartman and me. That day's argument was over the short story _A Pair of Silk Stockings_, and whether or not the narrator was a selfish bitch or not. As always Ms. Elliot interrupted us before we could finish making our points.

Things cooled down between the two of us after school in Mrs. Carlen's room though. I sat next to Mrs. Carlen and listened to Eric's speech intently. Sure, I heard it yesterday at his house, but when the tubby stood behind that podium, he just seemed more... powerful.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't impressed by his speech. Eric had this natural talent of persuasion. And he was able to speak so clearly, loud, and with so much character in his voice. He didn't grasp nervously to the podium, as I had made a habit of doing, but motioned with his hands; not excessively so that it looked weird and forced, but in a perfect, natural balance. He looked so confident and fearless up there. His speech itself was unbelievable. It was captivating and thought provoking. It was strong and passionate. It was truly flawless.

"Very nice, Eric. Very nice," Mrs. Carlen smiled as Eric stepped away from the podium. "The timing is perfect. Five minutes and forty-seven seconds. Perfect."

"Thanks, Mrs. Carlen," he said scratching at his shabby brown hair.

"Kyle, do you have anything to add?" she asked me.

I glanced at her and then looked at Eric, "It was really good," I said with a shrug.

He smiled at me, but not in an evil Hahaha-I-beat-you kinda look. Just a smile.

"Well, I'm very excited about this competition," our coach clapped her hands, "Very excited." She turned to me, "Kyle did you want to give it a go today?"

I shook my head, "I rewrote some parts... I'd rather practice it a bit more first..."

"Well, perhaps Eric and I can help you. See if you're headed in the right direction, hm?"

"Its okay, Mrs. Carlen," Eric said, "Kyle and I are gonna work on it after school again today. Right, Kyle?"

I nodded.

"I'll make sure that he's giving the Enterprise System justice," he said.

"Alright then, how about I meet with you two... let's see today is Thursday isn't it? I'll meet with you after school on Monday. How does that sound?"

Eric and I nodded and agreed. We left Mrs. Carlen's room and started to walk to Eric's car in the parking lot.

Mrs. Cartman greeted me with peanut butter squares that day. Not wanting to seem rude, and still seeing tear stains on her face, I took one from the plate as did Eric. We went up to his room, finishing our bite size snacks just before reaching the end of the hall and coming to his door. I put my stuff and down and watched Eric head to his hamster cage.

"What'd you take in Geo today?" I asked while I took out my speech from my folder.

He glanced over his shoulder at me from the cage.

"You took something from the supply room today."

He turned around and faced me, wearing a look as if saying _So?_

"What'd you take?" I asked again, trying my best not to sound too demanding. I dropped my speech onto his bed and walked over to him.

He reached into his pocket and retrieved a small bottle, about the size of his thumb. He held it up between his chubby fingers for me to see. I squinted to read the label._ Arsenic._ He turned his back towards me, "How much of this do you think it'll take to kill a person?"

I blinked at him for a while, "I... I dunno..." What was he thinking? I gulped, "Who would you want to kill?" I asked quietly.

He opened up his hamster cage, "No one. Just thinking..." I watched him pour all of the bottle's contents into the hamster's food mix. The rodent instantly came out of its wheel to eat, but after a few nibbles it squeaked and returned to its wheel, running continuously. "Let me hear your speech and see what you've changed," Eric said walking away from the cage and sitting down in his chair.

"Okay." I walked over to his bed and grabbed my speech, sitting down in front of Eric. "I added a lot and I don't have it memorized, so no kicking me in the balls," I told him.

He laughed a little, "Alright, alright. Let's hear it."

I cleared my throat, "On July fourth, 1776, the Continental Congress adapted the Declaration of Independence, thus establishing a new nation. The founding fathers of America thought that King George III was unfair to the colonies. They feared unwarranted government power and longed for personal freedom. Our nation was founded on the belief of economic freedom. It has been able to maintain the rights of the individual as many years have passed and the ideas of our society have changed. For it is the citizens of America who are responsible for the well being of their own economy..." As I recited my speech, I could see Eric actually listening to me again. He nodded his head every now and then and a smile came and left his face while I spoke.

I finished my speech and looked up at Eric who smiled at me. I looked just above his shoulder and noticed that the wheel in the hamster cage was no longer spinning and a lifeless lump of fur sat inside it.

"Sounds good, Broflovski. Real good," Eric nodded at me.

I smiled a little. I didn't really care about the speech right then. "How's your mom doing?"

"Fuck you."

"No, I didn't mean-- I was just asking... _sincerely_... She looks really sad..."

He stared at me for a while, "She'll get over it. She always does." He paused, "Why do _you_ care all of a sudden?" he asked in a suspicious manner.

"Dunno... Just concerned, that's all..." my eyes wandered over to the dead hamster. "Eric, why did you--"

"There you go again."

"What?"

"Calling me _Eric_ again."

"I... didn't realize that I was..." I really didn't. Did I not call him by his first name so much that it was _that_ weird to him?

He rolled his chair closer to me, "You know, you've got to be the biggest weirdo, freak Jew to ever live."

I glared at him, "Gee, thanks," I replied sarcastically. I continued to stare angrily at him, though I felt my cheeks flush a little as he stared back at me in an almost studious manner, as if trying to read my thoughts. After several minutes of just staring at each other, I found it about time to end the awkwardness, "I should get home..." I said standing up.

"And I'm assuming you're going to want a ride."

I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed my backpack, throwing it over my shoulder.

The ride to my house was carried out in complete silence. There was this strange, uncomfortable vibe that filled the car. And I just couldn't put my finger on what exactly was the cause for it. I kept my gaze out the window, and I thought that I could feel Eric's stare on me, only when I looked to see if he was looking, he had his eyes on the road.

Eric had his window rolled halfway down and the wind tore through his brown hair. When the car came to a stop, his hair would cease ruffling and he would blow a loose strand out of his eyes with a small breath that could be seen in the cold autumn weather. He'd begin to look at me and I'd immediately look away, feeling embarrassed for staring.

When we got to my house, I unbuckled my seatbelt, "Thanks for the ride." I got out of the car and slammed the door behind me, beginning to walk away.

"Hey, Kyle?"

I turned around and peered through the window, "Yeah?"

He stared at me for a long time, and I could feel myself sweat a little with anticipation. "That baby blue backpack of yours makes you look a whole lot gayer."

"_Fuck you, Fatty!_" I yelled, kicking the door of his car. Cartman drove off laughing, leaving me marching angrily into my house and cursing his name.

I slammed the front door to my house forcefully, causing the ground to shake a little and my little brother Ike to peek over the couch he was sitting on. I only realized how hard I had slammed the door after seeing the kid actually take time to tear his eyes away from his favorite television program, "What's _your_ problem?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, watching me stomp up the stairs.

I threw up my hands, "_Cartman!_" I continued angrily up to my room.

I tried to work on my homework, but I couldn't stay focused. All I could think about was that fat ass. Why was I letting him get to me so god damn much? A stupid comment like that never had this sort of effect on me before. I was _so_ pissed.

I then remembered the look he gave me before he made the remark. I then had an idea of why I was so enraged. It all stemmed from disappointment. I thought he was going to say something really sincere. Something heartfelt. Like... _Hey Kyle, your speech real improved. _

Or something like... _Hey Kyle, let's work on it some more tomorrow. _

_Hey Kyle, I really don't mean to be so cruel to you all the time. _

_Kyle, I actually think you're a really nice guy. _

_Kyle, I actually like you._

_I really like you._

I stared blankly at myself in the mirror that hung on my wall just above my desk. I was blushing again. Why was it that blushing was suddenly a new habit of mine? It never happened before...

"Oh my god..." I muttered to myself, searching my own eyes in my reflection, "I'm in love with Eric..."


	3. Heartaches

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

**Chapter 3: Heartaches**

I couldn't get Eric off my mind. The things that suddenly ran through my head were insane. I had to be losing it. How could I be in love with Eric? It wasn't possible. After finally convincing myself that the idea was ridiculous and that there was no way I could ever be in love with him, I fell asleep only to find Eric in my dreams as well.

In my dream, I was giving my American Enterprise speech in front of a large group of people. I stood behind the podium, reciting my speech in the loudest and most clear voice I had ever heard come out of me. I wasn't nervous in the least. I was on a large stage and it was all dark save for a single light that was set on me. My audience seemed amazed by my speech and they all listened intently. When I looked into one of the audience member's eyes, they smiled at me and I had another boost of confidence.

I finished my speech and everyone in the audience stood up and clapped for me. I grinned at everyone and thanked them over and over again. I then felt a hand on my ass and turned around quickly, expecting to see Kenny. Eric stood grinning down at me. I heard the clapping behind me stop and I wasn't on stage anymore, but in Eric's room. I kept my eyes shyly on my feet, as I felt Eric take me by the shoulders.

"What did I tell you about eye contact?" Eric smiled, lifting my chin up and bringing his face close to mine.

I closed my eyes just as our lips touched. It was a long, tender kiss that made me feel the most happy I had ever been. I took my hands and placed them on Eric's face, forcing him closer and our lips to press against one another's with a larger passion. It was beautiful.

And then I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my stomach and I slowly pulled away from our kiss. I looked and saw that Eric held a knife that he pierced through my stomach. And although I was bleeding to death, he laughed at me, and my heart hurt more than my gut.

I was awakened by my alarm clock. I usually hit the snooze once or twice before dragging myself out of bed, but my nightmare was so frightening, I was up right away. I don't know why it scared me so much, but I was as shaky as ever as I got dressed that morning.

Stan was at my house with Kenny to give me a ride to school at seven o'clock as always. "What happened to you?" I asked Kenny as I climbed into the passenger seat of Stan's car. I noticed that he had a small cut just above his left eyebrow and it bruised a little.

"Wendy," he answered simply, with a half laugh.

"No means _no_, doesn't it Ken?" Stan grinned at him.

Kenny crossed his arms and reclined in his seat, "Yeah, whatever..." he muttered.

As we drove to school, Stan explained to me that the two of them took Wendy and Bebe out to dinner last night. Kenny kept throwing his suggestive one liners out at Wendy, only getting her more and more annoyed and pissed. His dirty comments only made Stan look much more the gentlemen and the night ended with him receiving a good night kiss from Bebe and Kenny receiving a heel to the face from Wendy.

"This," Kenny said tapping his bruise gently, "is one of the many reasons why I hate girls. Heels... who invented that shit? It's their weapon of choice. Whenever they get pissy they take one off and fling it at you." He leaned forward and rested his chin on the left side of my seat, "You don't own a pair, do you?"

"No," I answered keeping my stare forward.

"See, that's great. You would be the perfect lover, Lover." I felt him press his lips firmly on my neck and I jumped a little.

"Stop molesting Kyle, Dude." Stan said glancing at Kenny and shaking his head.

"Yeah, fuck off," I rolled my eyes, trying to show him that I found him immature and sleazy.

We arrived at school and got out of the car. Just before I could sling my backpack on, Kenny grabbed my ass as he walked passed me, "Always the perfect start to the day," he winked back at me.

In the two classes I shared with Eric, we were overwhelmed with book work for the day. I was so relieved that I had an excuse to not talk to him at all. But when lunch time rolled around, I had no choice but to face him.

When he sat down next to me in the cafeteria, I got up and moved to the opposite side of the table, complaining about the sun that was in my eyes. I suspected that he knew I was lying because on that overcast autumn day, there were absolutely no rays of sunlight entering the lunch room.

Unfortunately, the other side of the table where I moved is where Kenny sat, and he took it as some sort of flirt, inching his way a little closer to me on the bench. I kept my eyes anywhere but on Eric. I watched a group of ASB kids posting up some posters advertising the Sadie Hawkins dance that was next Friday. Sadies was supposed to be the dance when girls asked guys out. The tickets were heart shaped necklaces that the girls would decorate with theirs and their guy's name in them. I wondered if any of the girls I knew were going to use me as a last resort like they had in the previous years of my high school life. Whenever girls can't seem to find a date, they always turned to me, their gay friend.

Stan came into the cafeteria with his lunch tray, already having one of the Sadies hearts hanging from his neck. He sat down in front of me and I read the name on the ticket. _Bebe_. Her name was written in pink glitter and the red heart was bordered with the same material.

"Kenny?" came a voice from behind and I turned around to see. It was Annie, holding a heart in her hand, "Will you go to Sadies with me?" she asked shyly.

Kenny grinned at her, but before he could answer, another girl whose name I didn't know came. I recognized her a little and knew Kenny had gone out with her once or twice before, "Kenny, will you go to Sadies with me?" she asked.

A larger and, if possible, more perverted grin swept Kenny's face, "Sorry girls, but I'm going with somebody else."

Looking heartbroken, they demanded in unison, "Who?"

"Somebody who has yet to get me my ticket, and I've been waiting so _so_ patiently," he glanced at me and raised his eyebrows, causing me to choke a little on the food I was eating at the moment.

"Do I _look_ like a girl?" I coughed, my cheeks turning red when I saw Eric look at me.

Kenny turned in his seat and lifted my head a little, "Right there, a little, yeah." He studied me as if I was some museum exhibit.

I shook my head, "No, no, no, no, no, _no_," I kept my eyes on my food, certain that I felt Eric's stare on me. "I'm not going. Not with you."

"He's not going," Annie insisted, "Take me, Kenny. _Please_."

Kenny waved a hand at her as if she was some pesky insect, "Sorry, Babe."

Both girls left angrily, muttering something about fags under their breath.

Kenny sighed, "You better get me that ticket soon, 'cause I'm sick of having to put up with all these girls."

"I'm _not_ getting you a ticket," I said without taking my eyes off my lunch tray.

"Just hurry up and ask him out, Jew," Eric suddenly huffed.

I looked at him and blinked for a while. He looked back at me, wearing a confused look. He was probably perplexed as to why I didn't snap back at him.

"Fuck you," I replied too many seconds too late causing it to lose all its normality. I felt my cheeks blush even more severely and I quickly looked away back down at my food.

"Look at him. He's as red as ever. He wants nothing more than to be fucked by Blondie here," Eric laughed.

I felt my heart sink a little. Damnnit, I really _was_ hung up over Eric. I tried my best to glare angrily back at him, "Fuck you," I said through gritted teeth.

He wore an evil smirk that I just couldn't take.

"_Fuck you, Fat Ass! I hate you!_" I yelled, clenching my fists.

Everyone in the room seemed to stare at me. I only noticed that I was standing up. I blinked around the quieted cafeteria for a while and slowly sat back down. Almost instantly Kenny wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer, "I'll get the tickets."

I blinked at him and just shook my head at him and pulled away. I stood up, threw my backpack on and grabbed my books, and left the cafeteria.

Stan, not too surprisingly, had followed me. "Kyle, don't let that fat ass get to you," he walked beside me.

I glanced at him and then kept my eyes on my traveling feet.

"Look," Stan sighed, "It's not that big a deal that you wanna ask Kenny to the dance--"

"What?" I looked at him, "I do _not_ wanna take that perverted bastard to Sadies."

"You don't?" Stan raised an eyebrow as if I were obviously lying.

"No!"

"I can tell you have a thing for him though. And so can he. A lot of people can..."

I couldn't believe my ears, "I don't have a crush on Kenny! Well, maybe I did... but I don't anymore! Well, maybe a little--no! I _don't_ like Kenny!"

Stan was quiet and for some reason I thought that he didn't believe me at all. We reached my locker and I tried several times to open it, only finding myself to get lost in the middle of the stupid combination. I pounded on the metal thing angrily. Stan gently pushed me aside and opened it with ease for me.

I was quiet as I put away my books and took out others. I closed my locker and sighed, "Stan... describe Eric in one word."

"Fat," he said without missing a beat.

"Personality wise."

"Asshole."

"_He is, isn't he?_ _He's a lyingevilschemingmercilesssonofabitchbastardselfcenteredbigfatass**asshole!**_" I yelled kicking the locker and causing Stan to jump a little.

"Yeah..." he scratched his head in a confused manner.

"And..." I sighed resting my head against the cool metal locker, "I'm... in love with him..." I looked up at him and saw that his eyes had widened in a half shocked, half horrified look. "I'm going completely insane, aren't I?"

He blinked at me dumbly, "Dude..." His mouth was opened, as he stared at me, left completely speechless.

I sighed and leaned my back against the locker and slowly slid down to the floor. How could this be happening? Not too long ago I wished for that fat ass to be dead, and now he was doing _this_ to me? It was probably all apart of some evil, twisted plan he had just to torture me. I looked up at Stan who still stood there with his mouth open. I sighed again, "Dude, say something. You're creeping me out..."

He blinked for a while, "Uh..."

"Just go ahead and say it. I've lost my mind."

"You've lost your mind."

I laughed a little. I didn't know why I laughed. It was more of an uneasy and nervous dammit-what-the-fuck-is-happening-to-me type laugh. Stan held out his hand and I took it, and he pulled me up from the ground. Just as I was on my feet, I could see Kenny and Eric coming down the hall. Stan turned away to open up his locker.

Eric came right up to me, "You wanna work on our speeches again tonight?" he asked casually, completely ignoring the fact that he had just broken my heart some five minutes ago, though he probably didn't realize that he had.

"Uh..." I paused, "No." I didn't feel like being alone with Eric anytime soon. "I still don't have it memorized, so it's pretty pointless..."

Eric rolled his eyes, "What the fuck are you waiting for? Do you know how many times I've changed my god damn speech? I had the damn thing rememorized by the next day!"

I forced a scowl on my face.

He let out an annoyed sigh, "Saturday? Think you'll be ready by then?"

I hesitated, "Yeah, sure..." I stared up at Eric and he looked down at me, the two of us finding ourselves in another awkward staring contest. Fortunately, the bell rang and I finally parted with Eric, not having to see him for the remainder of the day.

When I got home, I was thankful to have one of those rare weekends without any homework. I of course had to work on my Enterprise speech a bit more and hopefully train myself to minimize my blushing at the sight and sound of Eric. I found myself sitting in my room staring blankly at the wall. I thought about Eric. Should I tell him how I feel? Could he possibly feel the same way? We did have a lot of odd moments together... but were those _moments_ really? It was probably just my imagination. How would I know if I didn't ask? I could always hide it, like I did with my crush on Kenny. Though I obviously didn't do that great a job at hiding that one... But this was different. Eric was different than Kenny... I just couldn't put my finger on it...

"Kyle, what are you doing?" Ike suddenly interrupted my thoughts.

"Nothing."

"Yeah, okay..." he raised an eyebrow, "Your friends are downstairs."

I went to the staircase and saw Stan and Kenny waiting for me. "What do you want?" I called from the top of the stairs.

Stan and Kenny turned and spotted me, "Arcade?" they asked in unison.

I nodded, "Alright. Give me a second." I ran to my room and grabbed my jacket, pulling it quickly over my head and running down the stairs. What I needed was to get my mind off of Eric. Hopefully a few rounds of DDR would do the trick.

Like always, I sat in the passenger seat of Stan's car as we drove to the arcade. I kept my gaze out the passenger window and my eyes slowly settled on Eric's house in the distance. We came closer and closer. I glanced at Stan driving and bit my lip. I hesitated, "...Dude, let's pick up Eric."

Stan glanced at me and nodded, pulling his car over just as we reached his house.

I felt Kenny kick my seat a little, "What? Why?"

I ignored Kenny and stepped out of the car.

"_What do you want?_" I heard Eric's voice right away. I searched for him and then saw that he sat on his roof.

I stared up at him for a long time, watching him flick a lighter on and off in his chubby grasp. "_What are you doing up there?_" I shouted.

"_Nothing_." The flame appeared and then disappeared and reappeared again.

I paused, "_Wanna come to the arcade with us?_"

He laughed a little, "_I got better things to do._"

"_Like what?_"

He paused, "_...Alright, I'll go._" He disappeared into a nearby window.

I climbed back into the car and Eric soon came too. When we arrived at the arcade, I got out of the car to find my hand suddenly grabbed by Kenny's. I stared at our interlaced fingers and then blinked at him. What was he thinking?

"Kenny, what're you doing?"

"Holding your hand."

"...Why?"

"So you don't get lost," he winked at me.

I saw Eric brush past us with Stan, walking into the building. I pulled away from Kenny's hold and started to follow after them. Kenny walked quickly beside me and took my hand again. I looked at him. He grinned at me. "Kenny, I'm not playing. Quit it." I threw his hand down.

"Come on, Kyle. Give me a chance."

I stared at him. Dammit, maybe I should. I mean, I only had a crush on him for two and a half years. But that was because he was a god damn pretty boy. He would only dump me as soon as he spotted something else he liked better. I think his longest relationship lasted for about four days. What was four days out of my life?

Kenny obviously sensed my consideration of this. He took a step towards me, smiling and leaning forward. I held my breath. He was gonna kiss me. I was about to have my first kiss in a parking lot? Just as I closed my eyes, I spotted Eric staring at the two of us from inside. After realizing this, I opened my eyes quickly just as Kenny pressed his lips against mine. But Eric was gone.

I reluctantly closed my eyes again, as Kenny and I had our lips still against one another's. I didn't kiss back for a long time, and Kenny kept pressing his lips harder and harder as if trying to persuade me. I finally pressed mine against his and it felt good, as I imagine _any_ first kiss would. Kenny held me by the waist as he gently pulled away, smiling down at me.

I blinked at him for a long time, trying to figure out if what just happened was real.

Kenny leaned in and we kissed again. I felt his hand travel down to my ass and he grabbed it tightly. I lifted my lifeless hands from my side and rested them on his shoulders, pulling myself up onto my tip toes. Kenny gave me small, teasing pecks on the lips before forcing his tongue into my mouth, challenging mine to a wrestling match.

I soon found myself pressed up against the side of Stan's car, Kenny pinning my hands to my sides, continuing to massage my tongue with his. He at long last pulled away, "You know, we don't have to go in," he tilted his head towards the arcade, "My house isn't too far," he licked his lips.

I stared at the building while looking over Kenny's shoulder, and searched for Eric through the windows. _If I see him, I'll stay. It'll be a sign..._

As I waited for my sign, Kenny caressed my neck with kisses. He pulled away, taking me by the hand and starting to lead me out of the parking lot and towards his house. I kept looking over my shoulder for Eric. When the arcade was out of sight, my heart sank. Why didn't he show up?

Kenny and I arrived at his house, and he didn't waste any time. I found myself lying on Kenny's bed within minutes after entering his house. He smiled down at me as he climbed on top of me and started to unbuckle my pants. He leaned forward and kissed me just below my right ear and whispered, "I love you."

It would have been somewhat believable if I hadn't heard him say those exact words to at least a dozen others.


	4. Soup

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

Chapter 4: Soup

I felt like crying. I lay in Kenny's arms, the two of us naked in his bed, in total regret of what I had just done. I wanted my first time to be something special, something magical, but it was hardly anything close to that. How could I possibly enjoy myself when whenever I closed my eyes, I saw Eric? Fuck, he was haunting me so god damn much. If he knew how much he was tormenting me, I'm sure he'd love it.

I felt Kenny pet my hair, whispering things that I didn't have the mind to listen to right then. I was finally pulled back to reality when Kenny gently turned my face to his, forcing my green eyes to lock with his blue, "Kyle, what's wrong?"

I blinked at him for a while and then shook my head, "Nothing..."

He smiled down at me, unable to notice that what _nothing_ truly meant was _everything_. He kissed me a few times on my forehead, "You wanna head back to the arcade?" He nuzzled his face along the side of mine.

I nodded and the two of us got out of bed. We pulled on our clothes and were back at the arcade within ten minutes. Stan greeted us with a half wave just as we walked through the door, Kenny keeping a tight hold of my hand. "Where the hell were you two?" he asked, spotting our entangled fingers. He looked at me and I just looked away, searching for Eric in the arcade.

Kenny slapped me on the ass, "I'm gonna go get some change, Lover." He kissed me on the cheek and walked away.

I stood in front of Stan, who stared at me, wearing a look of _Don't tell me you did what I think you did_. I scratched at my red hair and nervously shifted my weight from one foot to another, "Where's Eric?" I asked with my eyes on the floor.

Stan paused for a moment, as if not understanding the question. His mind was probably still on Kenny and I. "Uh, I think he left..."

"What? Why?"

Stan shrugged. A more concerned look swept his face, "What happened with Kenny, Dude?"

"Nothing," I brushed past him. Dammit, I just wanted to forget about the whole thing. I stopped walking, but not because Stan had asked me to, but because of what I saw. Kenny was talking to a girl. He wore that sly smile of his as he said something to her, causing her to giggle flirtatiously. He smirked, taking a step closer to her, lifting her right hand, and placing a teasing kiss upon it and sending her a wink.

"What'd you expect, Kyle?" Stan said shaking his head, seeing what I saw.

I watched Kenny retrieve a pen from his pocket and start to write something on the girl's palm, most likely his phone number. Fuck, how _could_ I expect anything? I guess I didn't. But I still felt like shit as I watched Kenny, the blonde haired, blue eyed pretty boy who just fucked me ten minutes ago, already putting the moves on somebody else.

I turned around and started towards the exit of the arcade. "Where you going?" Stan asked, not bothering to follow me. I guessed that he already had an idea of where.

It took me some twenty minutes to get to Eric's at quick, hastened steps. I don't know what I was planning. I guess I had no plans. I just had to see him. Something was telling me to see him. I came to his front door and rang the door bell for a long time, without getting any answer. I knocked on the door, "_Eric? Eric, are you home?_" I tried to look through a window, but the curtains blocked everything.

I then tried the door and found that it was unlocked, "_Eric?_" I called out, peering inside. I looked right then left, not seeing anybody. I quietly came inside and closed the door behind me. I heard something coming from the kitchen and started towards it.

I found Eric in the kitchen. He was stirring something in a pot that sat atop a flame on the stove. He didn't look at me or say anything when I entered the room but I knew that he knew I was there. "Whatcha doing?" I asked.

"Cooking dinner," he answered without looking at me.

I stood there nervously, slightly regretting that I had came, already feeling myself blush. "What is it?"

"Soup." Could he get anymore vague?

We were both quiet for a while. I started towards him and stood beside him at the stove, peering curiously into the pot. I looked at the counter and saw a variety of spices and such that Eric had obviously used in the recipe. "Why'd you leave the arcade, Eric?" I finally asked.

He glanced at me and then returned his eyes to the brewing soup which he still stirred, "Why'd _you_ leave the arcade?"

"Well... to come see you, I guess..."

He gave a short laugh, "Let me rephrase that. Why didn't you _go into_ the arcade?" he glanced at me before looking back down at the soup, "Have fun with Kenny?"

I stared at him for a long time. After a while he stopped stirring and turned to look at me. Our eyes locked and my face blushed. He raised an eyebrow and took a step towards me, looking confused about my behavior.

I stared up at him for a long time, trying to find my voice. "I-I thought I was in love with Kenny," I finally began quietly, "B-but I'm not..."

"But you said that you were."

"I-I guess I was wrong..." Our eyes were still locked.

He laughed a little, "Never thought I'd see you so easily admit that you were wrong, Jew."

I bit my lip, "Eric..." I couldn't find any words, "Eric... I..." My face turned another shade of red and I cleared my throat nervously, "K-Kenny never made me blush... _ever_. And... and Kenny never visited me in my dreams... Kenny doesn't constantly bother my thoughts... when I close my eyes, I don't see Kenny..."

We both stared at each other for a long time. I didn't know what to do next. Could he tell where this was going? He still looked at me in a perplexed way. I had to tell him how I felt. Dammit, I had already gotten that far. I opened my mouth to speak, but I just couldn't. I was so frustrated with myself. Why couldn't I just say it?

Eric turned away and started to stir the soup again. Loosing his attention just made me panic. Without really thinking, I immediately leaned forward and kissed him. My lips touched his for maybe just half a second before I abruptly pulled away, my face as scarlet as ever. He looked at me sideways and I stared back at him, breathing heavily for some inexplicable reason.

Eric took the pot filled with cooking soup and walked over to the sink with it. I watched him pour everything down the drain. He turned around and stared at me with a look I just couldn't read. He had to know what a kiss meant, right?

He came back to where I stood and turned off the stove. He turned around and faced me. He looked down at me, slowly beginning to shake his head, "You fucking Jew..."

I felt my heart sink within my chest. Eric took a step towards me and I closed my eyes, expecting him to throw a punch or scream at me for daring to do something like kiss him. I then felt his lips pressed firmly against mine and I opened my eyes to confirm that it was in fact Eric that was kissing me. It _was_. My heart was instantly lifted from the lowly state it had just sunk to. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his. I threw my arms around his neck and balanced on my tip toes, and then leaned all of my weight onto him. I felt Eric's thick hands take hold of my hips, pulling me even closer. Our lips seemed to be locked permanently and I didn't want them to part. It felt so good. The feeling that ran through my body was unlike any I had experienced. I felt extremely happy, overwhelmingly relieved, intensely passionate, and just... _alive_.

My heart raced at the fastest velocity it had ever reached. Our lips at long last parted just for a split second before meeting again in, if possible, an even more passionate kiss. Eric forcefully pushed me against the kitchen counter, and I leaned backwards with my head rested on the cool tile while he leaned on top of me. I caressed Eric's hair with one hand and kept another on the edge of the counter, maintaining my footing. My elbow hit the bottles of ingredients that sat on the counter and they fell to the floor, only clearing the way for Eric to lift me up onto the counter.

I sat on the counter, kissing Eric with small, short, feverish pecks on the lips from above. I felt Eric's hand find its way into my shirt, massaging my bare chest in a pleasurable fashion and I instinctly moaned. I rested my head on top of Eric's as he continued to feel me up and kiss my neck. My eyes wandered over to the spices and things that I had knocked to the floor. I then noticed a familiar looking bottle mixed with the others, causing me to pull away.

Eric stopped kissing me, when he saw that I stopped, "What?" he asked.

I placed my hands on his shoulders, hoisting myself off of the kitchen counter, not taking my eyes off the bottle. I walked over to it and picked it up from the ground. _Arsenic_. I stared at the bottle and then looked to Eric. "...What was this doing in the soup?"

He walked over to me and snatched the bottle from my hands, tossing it over my head and into a trash bin. "It doesn't matter. I poured the shit down the sink, didn't I?"

I stared at him, "Why?"

"What?"

"Why did you throw it out? You were obviously making it for something..." I said quietly.

"I didn't need it anymore." He took me by the waist and pulled me close, leaning in to kiss me again.

"Who was that soup for, Eric?" I interrupted.

"Nobody." He kissed me.

I pulled away and looked up at him.

"I said _I threw it out_." He kissed me again. He grew annoyed when I didn't kiss back. "_What, dammit?_" he scowled.

I just frowned at him, trying to show the concern I had with my face.

Eric sighed, "_God dammit_, it was for _me_, alright?"

"Wh-wha?" He was going to try and kill himself? "_Why?_ _Eric_..."

"It doesn't matter, alright? Just forget it. I threw it out."

I shook my head, "Eric..."

He released his grasp on me. "Dammit, I did it because... I dunno, alright? I just... I saw you and Kenny leaving and-- _It doesn't fucking matter, okay?_"

I was quiet for a while. "I... I didn't _want_ to go with Kenny..."

"Yeah, you put up a _real_ fight," he huffed.

"_I didn't!_" I argued, clenching my fists angrily, "_You didn't show up! You weren't there and I left!_"

"_What the fuck are you talking about?_"

I was about to yell something back at him, but stopped as I realized something, "Wait... are you saying that... you were in love with me... _before_ this?"

I saw Eric blush for the first time in my life.

"You _were_..." I breathed. I felt a wave of happiness rip through my body and I smiled a little at the thought of Eric feeling the same way. He was in love with me. I was in love with him. It was honest to God _love_.

Eric didn't take my smile in a positive way. His eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to shout something, but I interrupted him with a tender kiss.

"I love you," I said and it felt so good.

He blinked at me, "You do?"

I nodded, smiling at him.

"Are you sure this time?"

I laughed a little and a smile swept Eric's face. "I'm positive."

"Well, that's... great..."

We kissed again. "Eric?" I said wrapping my arms around him, "Please, promise me something."

"What's that?"

I turned his face with my fingers, forcing our eyes to lock so that he could see my sincerity. "Don't _ever_ think about killing yourself _ever_ again."

He nodded and we kissed again.

* * *

Because Eric no longer had a dinner and his mother was out for the evening, the two of us agreed on ordering a pizza for the two of us to share. As I sat on the living room couch and watched Eric talking on the phone and ordering the pizza, I couldn't help but stare at him. I was a little worried over the fact that the boy had been contemplating suicide. I was so relieved that I had visited him. God knows what I would do if I came to his house the next day to work on our speeches, to find him dead, especially when the last time I would have seen him was while I was kissing Kenny. The idea of him being dead was so surreal. He hung up the phone and noticed my stare, "_Jesus Christ_, you're weird..." he said with a laugh. 

I rolled my eyes and grinned at him. He returned a smirk and then came and sat next to me on the couch. Eric and I just sat there for a while, unsure of what we should do while we waited for the pizza. I sat up in my seat a little and turned on the couch to face him, "I still don't have my speech all the way memorized, but I could say what I _do_ remember--" I was interrupted by Eric who let out an annoyed sort of sigh.

"_Jesus_, do you ever give it a rest? Don't be such a fucking nerd, Kyle," he smirked.

I crossed my arms and fell back on the couch, "Then _what_?"

Eric rolled his eyes, "Ever heard of television?"

I glared at him and picked up the television remote that sat on the coffee table in front of me. I threw it to Eric and watched him as he flipped through the channels. I squirmed a little in my seat and wondered if he would be bothered if I got too close. Well, there was only one way to find out.

I inched closer to Eric and rested my head on his shoulder. I saw Eric glance at me, raising an eyebrow, and then returning his eyes to the TV set. I smiled to myself and then turned my eyes to watch TV quietly with Eric.

I was very surprised to discover that Eric had wrapped an arm around my waist at some point. I couldn't help but giggle at the irony of the scowl he gave me when I inched even closer, though feeling his hold tighten around me.

I lay in his embrace, contently. I soon discovered that if I pretended to ignore it, he would slowly show more and more affection. But if I looked at him in the slightest manner he would quit. I kept my eyes on the TV, feeling Eric resting his head on top of mine. I felt him take a finger and run it down my cheek in a soft, caressing manner. I glanced at him and he halted. I smiled and returned my eyes to the TV. I felt him get a little closer and start to nuzzle his face against my hair. I wanted to kiss him, but when I lifted my head to do so he abruptly looked away. I then knew that if I wanted a kiss or really _anything_, I would have to wait patiently for the proud and egotistical Eric to do it on his own.

When Eric finally did kiss me, I allowed him to pull me on top of him, instead of doing it on my own accord. We kissed over and over again. I admired the new, lovely texture of Eric's brunette hair. His light brown locks were my new obsession and I couldn't get enough of running my fingers through it. Eric's obsession seemed to be with my chest, which he massaged excessively in the most tender way imaginable. At his touch, I then discovered that I had fallen in love with Eric's massive hands. They could touch me _anywhere_ and it would send a wave of pleasure through my body; certain places on my body being responsible for slightly bigger waves of pleasure than others.

The two of us made out for a long time, each of us exploring the different ways each other would react to certain things, and finding new little stuff to fall in love with with one another. After the pizza came and the two of us ate, I could sense that Eric didn't want me to go home and I also hated the thought of my departure. I called and asked my mother if I could spend the night, using our American Enterprise speech contest as an excuse. She said it was fine as long as I had permission from his mother. Eric took the phone and lied to her, saying that he already talked to her and that she had said yes, it was perfectly fine. My mom bought it.

The two of us spent a good portion of the night, further exploring each other's love habits, I of course letting Eric make every first move. I was a little disappointed that Eric didn't seem to care about going past feeling each other up and tongue kissing for the night, but I was content that he wasn't taking advantage of me like a certain blonde had done earlier in the day.

When it got really late and Eric had changed into a pair of blue pajama bottoms and a grey shirt, he lent me some clothes to sleep in. After pulling on Eric's old freshmen year P.E. t-shirt, I found it completely unnecessary to even bother trying on the sweats he lent me. The shirt was so big on me, it fell all the way down to my knees. It looked like I was wearing a dress.

When Eric turned around and spotted me in the shirt, he bursted out in uncontrollable laughter, causing me to blush and glare at him at the same time. "Shut up! It's not _my_ fault you're such a fucking fat ass!"

He started to control his laughter a little. "Dude, it's not _my_ fault you're so fucking short, Jew."

I scowled back at him and he shook his head at me, still laughing a little. "I might be a little short, but at least I can run a mile without passing out!" I marched angrily over to him.

He grinned down at me, with that evil smile, "A_ little_ short?" he smirked, "And I can _lose_ weight. You're short _forever_."

I raised my hand to smack him, and he caught it, pressing his lips firmly against mine, and causing every bit of anger that was in me to completely vanish.

When we weren't kissing, we watched movies all night that were on cable, the two of us lying in Eric's bed. We saw this old movie that I think was made in the early eighties, called _Apocalypse Now_ that was set during the Vietnam War. Eric had made a comment, telling me to add in some sympathy for dying soldiers into my speech. How dying soldiers would fit into the American Enterprise System, I had no fucking clue. I told him it wouldn't fit and he simply replied with a scowl, "_Fine_. I'll use it then."

How did I ever fall in love with him?

Sleep took over Eric first. When I saw that he had fallen asleep, lying next to me in bed, I turned off the TV and shut off the lights. I lay on my side, facing him, throwing a hand over him and another tucked under my own head. I closed my eyes and nestled my head in the warmth of his body. I then fell asleep to the quiet sounds of the two of us breathing.


	5. Poetry

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

**Chapter 5: Poetry**

I was shaken awake by Eric early the next morning. I groaned a little, annoyed that he was waking me up from my pleasant sleep, and threw a pillow over my face.

"God dammit, Kyle! Get your lazy ass Jew self out of bed!"

"Eric, I need eight hours of sleep!" my voice muffled through the pillow. I felt him snatch the bed covers off of me.

"You've had plenty of sleep!"

I held on tightly to the pillow over my face as I felt him trying to pull it away, "_Eric!_" I groaned. I suddenly felt something warm on my legs. I removed the pillow from my face and sat up to find a tray of breakfast on my lap. I stared down at the eggs, hash browns, toast, and orange juice and then blinked up at Eric. I scratched at my frizzy morning hair, "Wow... Thanks, Eric..."

"Just eat," he rolled his eyes, sitting down next to me on the bed.

"What about you?" I asked taking a sip of the orange juice.

"I already ate. Shit, it's almost lunch time, Jew."

My eyes narrowed behind the piece of toast in my mouth. I suddenly heard my cell phone ringing from where it sat on Eric's night stand. I reached over and picket it up, seeing on the caller ID that it was Stan, "Hello?"

"Dude, I need your help."

"Uh," I said swallowing the bit of food in my mouth, "What is it?"

"Okay. What's better? Candy or flowers?"

"Just who are these for, Stan?" I asked with a grin.

"Bebe."

"What's the occasion?"

There was a long, despondent sigh on the other end, "Fucking Kenny screwed me over. Well it wasn't his fault really. He was just being Kenny, you know? He tried to introduce me to this girl he met yesterday at the arcade and Bebe caught the two of us talking and she flipped out."

I laughed a little, "So?" I looked at Eric who sat shaking his head in a confused manner.

"Dude, I need to show her I'm sorry and that the girl didn't mean shit to me. So candy or flowers?"

"I dunno... flowers."

"Should it be roses or what?"

"Dammit, Stan... I dunno... sure."

I heard him sigh again, "You're no help." He paused, "You think I should write a poem or something? Like an apology sort of thing..."

I couldn't help but start laughing. Eric raised an eyebrow, "What the fuck is going on?"

"Stan was caught talking to some girl by Bebe and now he wants to write her a poem."

Eric smirked, "What a pussy."

"Who are you talking to?" Stan demanded, "And stop laughing! I'm serious!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." I giggled, "Just get her flowers, Dude. She doesn't even need that. You've been together for _two days_. I mean, you didn't have your tongue down the girl's throat, did you?"

"No!"

"Then what's the big deal?"

There was a long pause, "...I'll get her roses." Another pause, "Half a dozen or a dozen?"

"I'm hanging up now, Stan."

"Wait are you sure a poem's too much?"

"_Good bye, Stan._" I flipped my cell phone closed and returned it to the nightstand.

Eric stared at me, "You don't expect _me_ to ever write _you_ a poem, do you?"

"No. You don't expect me to ever do one for you, do you?"

"Fuck no."

I laughed a little and held out my pinky, "No poems?"

Eric hooked his thick pinky around mine, "No poems. _Ever_."

* * *

After breakfast, Eric took me back home. We agreed that he would return at around three in the afternoon to work on our speeches, giving me a good two hours to shower and such. "I don't see why you have to work on that speech so much. You had all of last night, didn't you?" my brother bugged as I was drying off my hair with a towel, after just getting out of the shower. "You _were_ working on your speeches, right?" 

I looked at my brother, through my mirror. He sat on my bed, smiling at me in a clever way, while petting his cherished grey tabby cat, Merlin, who sat on his lap. Damn the smart little brat. "We didn't do anything." I rolled my eyes, "We just watched TV, alright?"

He smiled a little more and turned his attention to the cat, scratching the animal just below its chin, "So, is he your boyfriend now?"

I saw myself blush in the mirror. I threw my towel down and reached for some hair gel on my desk, "Ike, don't tell mom or dad."

"I won't." He turned the cat over in his arms and started to tickle its stomach, "You were thinking about him yesterday when I walked into your room, huh?"

I filled my palm with some gel and started to comb my fingers through my hair, "Get out of my room, Ike."

"Have you two kissed yet?"

"_Ike_." I turned around and glared at him, "_I swear, if you don't shut up_--"

"Okay, okay," the raven haired twelve-year-old smiled nervously, knowing full well that I would kick his ass if I had to, "Just asking that's all..." Ike left the room, but I was only interrupted just several minutes later by knocking on my door.

I angrily went to open it, thinking that it was going to be Ike, but it was Kenny. The blonde didn't waste anytime with inviting himself to recline on my bed, "Dude, what happened to you yesterday?" he asked leaning back against my pillows.

"I left."

"Well, duh." He sat up a little, "Why? I was gone for like two minutes and then Stan says that you're gone." He sighed, "Are you mad at me?"

"And why would I be mad?"

"Stan said that you and he saw me talking with a girl just before you left."

"We did."

Kenny laughed, in an amused manner. "You don't think I was hitting on her, do you?"

"Yes, I'm sure what you were writing on her palm was definitely _not_ your phone number," I rolled my eyes.

"...I was writing down my number, yes. But it was for her to get a hold of my brother, you see?" Kenny had paused one second too long for me to believe that lie.

I shook my head and laughed a little, "Kenny, let's just forget it, okay?"

He smirked that perverted smile of his, causing me to realize he completely took that the wrong way.

"I didn't mean to forget about the _girl_. I meant let's forget about _us_."

He frowned, "No way." He climbed off my bed, "No way," he repeated in a manner of disbelief, "Kyle, you're my date to Sadies. You can't fucking break up with me now."

"Dude, we were never together."

Kenny let out a gasp as if shocked and heartbroken by this; only it was all too much like something out of a cheesy soap opera, "_Kyle!_"

I rolled my eyes, "Kenny, I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding a new date for Sadies."

"No, fuck that! You're my date! You have to be!" The blonde fell before me on his knees and threw his hands together in a begging fashion, "_Please_, Kyle!"

"Kenny, get up!" I wasn't in the mood for his games. If he thought he could easily fool me like he did with everyone else that attempted to break up with him, he was horribly mistaken.

"_Please?_ Pretty please? Prettiest please ever with your beautiful red hair and soft freckles and enchanting emerald eyes! _Prettiest little red head please?_"

"_No._"

"Dammit, Kyle!" he shouted, looking frustrated and confused. "Why?"

"Leave him alone already," Eric said walking into the room.

I looked from Kenny, who was still on the floor in front of me, to Eric and felt my face blush.

Kenny slowly stood up and brushed himself off, "Kyle, you _have_ to go to the dance with me. Just think about it some more, okay?" he winked. He leaned forward to kiss me and I quickly stepped away backwards. Kenny halted and smiled at me, "I'll see ya later, Kyle." He walked past me, grabbing my ass as he passed.

He left and I looked at Eric, my face red. He scowled at me and I frowned, "Eric..."

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"I didn't know if you'd want me to..."

Eric opened his mouth to talk and then stopped.

I paused, "Do we tell people... about us?"

He just stared at me blankly.

I sighed, "My brother knows." I looked at him and saw his eyes widen, "I didn't tell him though," I added. "The little shit figured it out on his own."

Eric scratched at his hair, staring at the ground in thought. "We're supposed to be enemies."

I laughed a little, "Yeah. I know." I sat down on my bed and Eric joined me, "How did that happen in the first place?" I looked at him. "How and when did the entire fucking world start seeing us as arched nemeses?" I let my head fall onto his shoulder, as I stared in thought at the wall.

I heard Eric sigh, "No fucking clue."

I turned my head, burying my face into Eric's arm and letting out a stressful sigh. I was so confused as to what I was supposed to do. What the hell was Eric and I expected to do? We were expected to go to school Monday tearing at each other's throats as always. So would we just hide our feelings from everyone and only show it to each other behind closed doors? Because we were _enemies_? And Kenny. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that bastard?

I waited for Eric to hold me, but he just stared at the wall. I decided to just do it myself, and I wrapped my arms around him tightly, causing him to squirm a bit uneasily. I felt a bit angry that I had to wait for him all the time. I really wanted to kiss him. I felt like it would make me feel a whole lot better. But I couldn't attempt to do so without him looking away. I had to wait for _him_ to kiss _me_.

"You know," I sighed after a while, "None of those people who think we're enemies are in this room."

He looked at me in a confused way. He didn't fucking get it. If we had to hide our feelings in public, then why the hell did we have to tip toe around it in private too? I let go of him and crossed my arms angrily. "_What_ is your problem, Hobbit?" he asked shaking his head.

My eyes narrowed and I glared at him, "_I hate you_."

"Oh, so now you _hate_ me? Yesterday it was _I love you._ And now its back to hate, huh?"

"_Why do you have to be like this?_" I yelled.

"Like _what_?"

I let out an angry and frustrated scream and buried my face in my hands muttering things under my breath like "fat ass" and "tubby."

Eric sighed and stood up, taking my arm and trying to pull me up. I stayed seated, glaring angrily at him. "_Dammit_, get your ass up." He pulled harder and I jerked forward a little, but maintained my balance, still trying to pull away.

"Stop it!" I said through gritted teeth.

"You _stop it!_" he pulled harder and I used all of my strength to stay on the bed. "Kyle, I _will_ pick you up and carry you, if I have to!"

I made my eyes narrow even more as if challenging him. Eric let go of my arm and did just what he said he would. He picked me up with me kicking and screaming. He walked a few feet and set me down.

I went to hit him, but he caught my arm, "Now you can either follow my quietly, or I'll carry you to the car like that."

I scowled at him and pulled my arm from his grasp. He started out of the room and I followed him. "Where the fuck are we going?" I asked, extremely pissed that he was forcing me to do this.

"You'll see when we get there."

* * *

When Eric and I stepped out of the car, I couldn't believe my eyes. I stared at the old wooden sign in disbelief. _Stark's Pond_. I hadn't been there for about seven years. The place looked like complete shit. It was a virtual landfill. There was litter everywhere and at least twelve visible abandoned cars. In the pond itself floated many different objects. The pond water was practically black and it gave off a terrible odor. 

I glanced at Eric who started to walk ahead. "What the hell are we doing here?"

He smiled at me, "I wanna show you something."

"...It better not be a dead animal or something, 'cause I'm not interested."

He laughed. "It's something great, trust me. Absolutely breathtaking."

"We're going to find something _absolutely breathtaking_ here?"

He just smiled at me and continued walking.

We stopped at several feet away from the water. Eric reached into his jacket and pulled out a lighter and a bottle rocket. "What's that for?" I asked.

He smiled at me, "Just take a seat."

I looked down at the dirty floor, "No thanks."

Eric let out an annoyed sigh and took off his jacket, throwing it to the ground. "There, sit on that."

I hesitated, but sat down on Eric's red jacket on the muddy and litter ridden ground. I watched him set up the bottle rocket, aiming it towards the pond. He sat down next to me after lighting the fuse with his lighter. I followed the rocket with my eyes as it shot towards the water. As soon as it hit the water, there was a boom and I flinched. I saw a ball of fire explode on the water and the pond suddenly ignited with flames. The water was _on fire_.

I looked at Eric who wrapped an arm around me. He kept his eyes on the flames and a smile on his face. His face, as was mine, was illuminated by the bright flames. The shadows of the fire danced about his face in a manner that sent a chill down my spine. He saw me visibly shudder and brought me closer, taking it as side effect of the cold autumn weather. He grinned at me and I returned a weak and nervous smile. I turned my attention back to the flames.

"It'll go out eventually," Eric said as if reading my thoughts.

I watched the fire burn strong and brightly. It was less breathtaking than it was frightening. As the flames roared and cackled, I feared that they were getting closer, and I'd wrestle about uneasily in Eric's embrace.

"You know why this is so amazing?" Eric asked quietly.

I looked up at him, "No."

He glanced at me and then turned his attention back to the fire, "What's supposed to put out a fire?"

"...Water."

Eric slowly nodded, "But this fire is overtaking the water. It's in control of the very thing that's supposed to put it out and end its life."

"But... that's 'cause of like oil and other crap that's been dumped into the water... that's why it lit on fire."

Eric kept his consumed and hypnotized stare on the flames, "Well, that's how it grew sure." He looked down at me and held out his lighter for me to see. He flicked it on, and waved the small flame in front of my face, "It was just this small before," he flicked it off and then gestured towards the burning pond, "Now it's that." He smiled, "You have to admit, anything that grows that big and powerful in such a small amount of time, no matter what helped it, is pretty amazing. Especially when it's thriving on what's supposed to be its demise."

I pondered over this for a moment. I never saw Eric speak so deeply before. "But," I said, "You said that it was gonna go out eventually. So it must not be _that_ powerful."

"Everything has to die, Broflovski." He looked out to the fire, "Eventually, everything comes to an end."

I turned my attention to the fire as well. I studied it for a while, going over what Eric had just said in my head. I scooted closer to Eric and rested my head on his shoulder, "Eric?" I said wrapping my arms around him, and feeling his own hold on me tighten.

"Yeah?"

"I believe _that_ was just poetry."


	6. Pointlessness

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

* * *

**A/N: I dedicate this chapter to my love, Sammeh. Happy Anniversary, Sam! I love you so much!**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Pointlessness**

We completely blew off debate practice for the rest of the evening. Eric gave me a long, elaborate speech on how I was too much of a school geek and how high school was just a fraction of my life that wouldn't matter all that much in the end. This comment of course sparked an argument between the two of us, interrupting what _was_ a quiet, peaceful, and romantic setting as the two of us sat on the hood of Eric's car, admiring the stars together.

"How could you say that?" I shook my head, "High school is _everything_."

"High school is _nothing_."

"What you do in high school determines what you do in college, which determines what career you get, which determines--"

"You are _so_ pathetic."

"_What?_ _How the fuck is being concerned about my future pathetic?_" I yelled. Eric just laughed. I hated when he laughed like that when I was already so pissed off. "Stop it! Stop laughing, you fat bastard!"

He shook his head still chuckling, "You know if you took a step back and just listened to some of the things that come out of your mouth, you'd laugh too."

I glared at him, clenching my fists in anger. He stopped laughing and smiled down at me, stretching a hand out and brushing my cheek gently and tenderly, thus instantly ridding every bit of hate that dwelled inside of me. I relaxed my clenched fists and dropped my hands heedlessly to my side, completed absorbed by Eric's touch. I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed the moment. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could just die right then. I was overwhelmed by complete and utter happiness.

I opened my eyes when Eric's touch disappeared. I looked at him and saw him relaxing with his hands folded behind his head, gazing up at the stars. I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his chest, looking up at the night sky with him. He wrapped an arm around me, and I took it as a sign that I could get away with giving him a small kiss on the cheek, and I did. I rested my head on his chest again, "We should probably be getting back home," I said quietly.

"Why? You got a curfew?"

"Yeah. Eleven o' clock."

"What time is it?"

I checked my wrist watch, "10:35."

"What happens if you don't go home?"

"If I miss curfew my mom will scream at me till the sun comes up."

"What if you come home _after_ the sun comes up?"

I laughed a little, "Then she'd probably scream at me until the next day's sun rises."

Eric gave a short laugh, "Jesus Christ..."

"Don't say it."

"Your mom's a fucking bitch."

Before I could throw myself into another rage of anger, Eric stopped me by planting a kiss on my forehead, "You can survive a scream session just for tonight, can't you?"

I was quiet. I really didn't want to go home. "What else is there left to do for the night, Eric? We're just staring at the stupid stars..."

He was quiet for a while. "You still a Broncos fan?"

"...Yeah."

"Wanna go to Mile High Stadium?"

"When?"

"Right now."

"What? Are you insane? It's ten at night and it's more than a two hour long drive! Eric, I have to be home by--"

"Kyle, its Saturday fucking night. Even somebody like you needs to have some fun."

"I've had plenty of fun for the night. Besides, the stadium's closed. What's the fucking point? Why go?"

He shrugged, "Why not?"

"Because if I do, I'll be breaking curfew just to go out for a meaningless drive."

Eric sighed, "Fine. Get in the car. I'll take you home." He sat up and I suddenly and ambiguously felt guilty. The way he said "fine" was in someway bothersome to me. I stayed on the hood of the car, blinking dumbly at Eric as he hopped off the hood. He stood beside the car shaking his head in a confused manner, "_What?_"

"...I... I don't wanna go home..."

He rolled his eyes, "_Will you make up your fucking mind dammit?_"

I didn't say anything.

He sighed annoyingly, "Get your ass in the car."

I climbed off the car's hood and got in. Eric started the car and pulled out onto the road. "Now," he said, "coming up I gotta make a right or a left. Right is home. Left is Broncos. Now which is it, Jew?"

I bit my lip and looked at Eric nervously, "Uh..."

"_Right or left, Kyle?_" he repeated impatiently as the car came closer and closer to the turn.

"I... uh..."

"_Kyle?_"

"...Right."

Eric made a right turn and I felt myself sink emotionally. I knew I had to go home though. I stared at Eric who kept his eyes on the road. He didn't say anything to me, and he was wearing that look of his that I could never read. But this negative vibe of disappointment was evident in the air. I felt terrible.

When we pulled up to the front of my house, Eric was quiet. I stayed in my seat with my seatbelt still buckled, waiting for him to say something. "Goodnight, Eric," I finally said after a while.

"Night, Kyle."

I waited, but he was silent. "Eric?"

"What?"

"I'm... sorry."

"About what?"

"I wanted to go, but I... I dunno..."

He shook his head, "You're a fucking freak."

I looked away from him and lowered my head, "We can go tomorrow."

"Nah."

"Why not?"

"It's closed tomorrow. What's the point?"

"Well, what the hell was the point in going tonight?"

He just shook his head, "It's nearly eleven. Better get your ass home."

I frowned at him and slowly unbuckled my seatbelt. I felt horrible, ending the night like this.After I had my seatbelt off, I stayed seated inside the car, staring at Eric.

"_What?_" he asked, sounding annoyed.

"Aren't you going to kiss me goodnight?"

He rolled his eyes at me and I thought that I wasn't going to get that kiss. I started to open the passenger door, but he turned my head towards his and kissed me tenderly. "Goodnight, Kyle."

I smiled at him, "Goodnight."

* * *

When Stan and Kenny came to pick me up and take me to school Monday morning, I unexpectedly found a third person waiting for me downstairs. I rushed down the stairs apologizing for me running a little late, finding Stan standing there holding Bebe's hand. I was taken back a bit at the sight of the two, but it wasn't all that surprising. It was obvious that my best friend had hopelessly fallen for the blonde. As much as a pitiful romantic Stan was, he was never _that_ ready to write a poem for a girlfriend of two days. 

The bad side of the thing was that I found myself loosing my usual spot in the passenger seat of Stan's car. Bebe took it and I was forced to sit in the back with Kenny, who still thought he had a chance with me. I sat in the far right side of the backseat, pressed up against the door, yet he still sat close enough so that our legs touched and his hand rested on my thigh. I curled up, pulling away from him, and keeping my gaze out the window. Being so close to him, I could smell the scent of alcohol on his breath. He probably was at some party over the weekend and somehow failed to find the time to brush his teeth; he probably lacked a shower as well.

Kenny was surprisingly quiet and much less persistent when it came to his flirting ways. I was starting to think, and secretly pray, that the pervert had given up on me.

That morning I ran into Eric when Stan, Kenny, and I got to our lockers. I was suddenly flustered on how I was supposed to act. I just smiled at him and started to pull my books from my backpack as he shut his locker. As I put away my books I realized something, "Fuck," I said aloud.

"What?" Stan said next to me.

I threw up my hands in disbelief, "I left my fucking math book at home."

"Forget it," Eric said.

"But I have everything in there! Thursday's assignment, my notes--"

Eric rolled his eyes, "Then run home and get it."

I slammed my locker closed.

"Come on," Eric began annoyed, "We got fifteen minutes before class. I'll give you a ride."

He started to walk quickly down the hall and out the school building and I chased after him.

We were at my house in maybe five minutes time. I ran up to my room, grabbed my text book, and ran back downstairs and outside, back to the car in under a minute. "Got it," I said buckling my seatbelt.

Eric grinned at my out of breath state, "What a nerd..." he laughed to himself.

I glared at him, "Shut up, Fatty."

He smirked at me, "Well you _are_." He paused, "Have you ever ditched?"

"No."

"We could totally do it, you know. Right now."

I blinked at him and then shook my head, "No... we _couldn't_."

He grinned, "Nerd."

I rolled my eyes and then stopped. I hesitated, "...We could do what you wanted to do Saturday."

He raised an eyebrow, "Oh?" A sly, satisfied smile swept his face as he started the car, "You sure you're willing to break perfect attendance?"

My eyes narrowed, "Fuck you."

"I'll take that as a _yes_."

And so Eric and I made our pointless trip to Mile High Stadium, home to the Broncos, in Denver. When we got there, the gates outside the stadium were closed and we stood staring at the surrounding fence for a long time. I smiled to myself at the thought of getting away with my first ever school ditch. Eric saw the smile and knew its cause and laughed. "Having fun?"

I couldn't help but laugh a little with him, "Strangely, yes."

Eric and I started to walk along the fence, circling the perimeter of the football stadium. I walked ahead of Eric, taking steps backwards so that I faced him as we walked. "You still think this was pointless?" he asked.

I thought for a bit, "Not entirely, no."

He shook his head, "Not entirely?"

"Well," I began, "its pretty fucking pointless to come to a stadium that isn't even open. It's a waist of gas and there were probably plenty of other things we could've done that would've made a lot more sense. But I guess the part about the pointlessness and how we very well knew about it and acknowledged it and yet still did this, in some way has a point. In some obscure way our pointless actions have a point, merely because of their pointlessness..." I laughed, "I'm just confusing myself, aren't I?"

"Yeah, that makes _a lot_ of fucking sense," Eric laughed. He smirked, "What you mean to say is that this wasn't pointless, because you actually did something that you had never done before. You did something that you saw as completely pointless and illogical. In return, you gained a new experience."

I smiled, "Yeah, sure. Something like that."

Eric shook his head laughing, "Alright, Jew."

We were quiet for a while. I stopped walking and Eric came to a halt just in front of me. I stared up at him for a long time, searching his eyes, "Eric?"

"What?"

"...I don't wanna hide this from everyone anymore."

He blinked down at me, "Why not?"

"I just... I don't see how this will do any good. I just don't see how we could ever accomplish a normal relationship if we have to keep our love a secret..."

"How do you know that?"

I thought for a bit, "I dunno..." I paused, "I just don't think it'll work... And I can't help but think about the reasons why we're not telling anyone. Just because we're expected to be enemies? Because of what others will think? It's just--"

"Stupid?"

"Yeah, and--"

"Ridiculous?"

"Yeah, and--"

"Pointless?"

I was quiet, but I smiled and nodded. Eric smiled too and we started walking again. "If people knew that we were together, they'd have to get used to it eventually..." Eric was quiet. "Plus," I continued, "If everyone knew that we were together, then a certain blonde might stop bothering me."

Eric rolled his eyes, "You can get rid of him without him having to know about me."

"No, _no_ I can't."

"Just kick him in the balls whenever he tries something. He'll stop once he's had a few bruises."

"Not everything is as simple as _I'll kick you in the balls_, Eric."

"With somebody that cares that much about his own dick, a kick in the balls is the perfect remedy."

I rolled my eyes, "Why don't you do it for me then?"

"You're such a pansy."

"Fuck you." I paused, trying to find another approach on the subject, "You know, Romeo and Juliet kept their love a secret and they're dead."

Eric laughed, "What?"

"Well, that's what happened."

He shook his head still laughing, "Jesus, Kyle... You're not gonna give up, are you?"

I stopped walking again. "And you're not either, are you?"

He smirked, "Two stubborn fucks guarantees a long, harsh battle."

I rolled my eyes, "Well, I think we should tell people, and..." I quickly leaned in and kissed him on the lips, "I can easily do that whenever I want, in front of whoever I want."

Eric blinked at me for a long while and then a devilish smile suddenly swept his face, "And you know what I can do before you get the chance to do that?"

"What?" I smiled not really believing that he had anything.

He grinned, "This." Eric turned around and started to walk away. I watched him keep walking, and I found myself turning around and marching off angrily in the opposite direction. I kicked the ground and kept my eyes on the floor, cursing the fatty's name as I walked.

"Well, hello again."

I looked up and saw that I had walked so far around the stadium, that me and Eric's opposite paths had crossed. I gave him a scowl and he smiled. I kept walking and brushed past him, only for him to grab me by the hood of my sweater, "Let go!" I shouted.

"Shut the fuck up and walk with me."

I glared at him and he let go of my sweater. I sighed and started to walk along side him. "You know, I hate you so much some times."

"How the fuck do you hate someone just _sometimes_?"

"Well I do."

He laughed, "I hate you too, Kyle."

* * *

I got home at around four just like I would on any normal school day. I was paranoid as shit when I walked through the door, but my parents didn't suspect anything. I ran up to my room and pulled out my Enterprise speech, working on it for the first time in a few days. 

I sat on my bed, reciting the thing to myself numerous times. Not very much long into my rehearsals, my brother knocked at the door. "What do you want?" I asked Ike as he peeked through the door.

"You're friend Kenny came by just a while ago before you got home."

I put my speech down, "What'd he want? Did he say anything?"

Ike shook his head and held out a slightly large envelope, "He just left this. Said you forgot to pick it up at school."

I took the envelope from my brother and stared at it for a while. I looked at Ike who also stared at it, "Well?" I said, "Get out of my room, Ike."

I waited until he was long gone before I opened up the package. I held the envelope upside down and shook it. A Sadies heart fell from it. I picked up the red heart and saw that _Kenny_ had been written inside it. I stared at the ticket in somewhat shock for a while, not believing that Kenny was still at it. I then tossed the thing across the room and picked my speech up again.


	7. More Poetry

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

**Chapter 7: More Poetry**

When Stan, Bebe, and Kenny came to take me to school the next day, Kenny was wearing a Sadies ticket around his neck with my name written inside it. I pretended that I didn't notice as I climbed into the backseat of Stan's car. "Where's yours, Kyle?" Kenny asked, scooting closer to me in the car.

I moved as far away from him as possible, leaning uncomfortably against the door. I stared out my window, trying my best to ignore him. I then saw a small, white daisy held in front of my eyes. I glanced at Kenny who held it, wearing a pathetic, fake puppy dog face. I snatched it from his grasp and threw it back at him, "Kenny, I don't wan it!" I reached into my school folder and retrieved the ticket and held it out to Kenny, "Here. Take it back. I don't want this either," I said looking away from him.

I heard Kenny laugh and he pushed my hand that held the ticket towards me, "What do you mean?" I felt him tuck the flower behind my ear.

I caught Stan looking at me through the rear view mirror. Bebe was also turned around in her seat, looking at the two of us. She smiled at me, "Aw, Kyle, don't be shy. You and Kenny make a cute couple," she giggled.

"We're not a couple!" I shouted at her and returned the ticket to my folder. I pulled the flower from my ear and threw it in my folder as well. I still didn't look at Kenny, but I felt his eyes on me. I guessed that he was wearing that sly smirk of his on his face as well.

"It'll be fun, Kyle," Kenny said getting even closer.

I shoved him, not too hard, but enough for him to back off a little and shut up for the rest of the ride to school. I wanted so bad to just scream at him that I was in love with Eric and that the perverted bastard needed to fuck off already. We pulled into the school parking lot and I rushed ahead of the others so that I could find Eric, so that I could take Kenny's ticket, throw it in his face, and demand that we come out to everyone.

I saw Eric at his locker and came up to him. He stared at me with a raised eyebrow, "What's going on?"

I pulled out the heart and held it up in front of his face by its pink ribbon. It dangled in front of him for a while and he just stared at it, looking confused. "He's not giving up, Eric."

Eric closed his locker, "What the hell do you want me to do?"

"I dunno, I just want us to--" I stopped as I felt that familiar grab on my ass. I spun around, "God dammit, Kenny! Stop!"

He smirked at me, "Why'd you rush off like that? You're not still made at me, are you? Jesus, Kyle, what else does a guy have to do?"

I looked desperately at Eric who just shook his head at me. I glared at Eric, angry that he was letting Kenny harass me like that. Kenny took the Sadies ticket in my hand and threw it over my head, fixing it to his liking, all the while I still glared at Eric.

Eric sighed, "Kenny, leave Kyle alone already." He lifted the heart from around my neck and threw it at Kenny, "Trade this back in for your four dollars. Everybody knows you can use the fucking money."

"Fuck you, Fat Ass!" he shouted at Eric, glaring at him from over my head, "This is none of your god damn business!"

Eric gave a short laugh, but didn't say anything. Kenny turned his attention back to me, "Kyle, come on. Why are you acting like this?"

I took Eric's hand and laced my fingers with his tightly. He didn't fight back as much as I thought he would. He just sort squirmed a bit uneasily, looking right then left, and not at me. I looked at Kenny, wearing all seriousness on my face, "I'm going with Eric."

"Dude, I'm _not_ going to that pussy ass dance--"

I stomped on Eric's foot causing him to shut up.

Kenny stared down at our interlaced fingers, blinking with wide eyes, "Holy fuck... no fucking way..." he chuckled lightly in disbelief. "_No_ _fucking way_."

I felt myself blush a little. I saw that Stan was there and his face was also red, probably from embarrassment, as he looked on. Bebe had one hand holding Stan's and another covering her mouth which was slightly opened by shock. I looked up at Eric who kept his eyes on the ground, a somewhat angry look on his face.

Kenny laughed even more, "You're dumping me for this fat piece of shit?"

I felt Eric's hold on my hand tighten and it was slightly painful. I scowled at Kenny, "You and I were never together!"

"Yeah," he laughed, "I'll see you at the dance, Kyle." He winked at me and walked away. Eric's grasp strengthened and I winced a little. He abruptly let go of my hand and turned around to walk away, cracking his knuckles and gritting his teeth.

I walked quickly beside him, "Thanks, Eric."

He glanced down at me, his face still wearing a slight scowl. "I'm not going to that dance."

I frowned, "Why not?"

He laughed as if that wasn't even a question, and I guess that it really wasn't.

"Well, alright... but can you just _pretend_ that you're going with me? You know, so that I don't have to deal with fighting off Kenny as much."

"The fucker's pretty confident that he's going with you even when you told him that I was your date."

"He's just full of himself, that's all."

Eric was quiet.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Yes."

I frowned. "Why?"

He glanced at me and didn't say anything as we walked into our first period Geology class.

* * *

Eric was giving me the silent treatment for the rest of that day. He answered things with small nods and slight shakes of his head, always wearing an angry look on his face. At lunch, I sat beside Eric as the two of us ate our food quietly. Stan sat opposite of me and Kenny beside him. 

Kenny kept asking me things like, "I thought you liked guys. How can you like somebody with titties that big?" and "I bet you have to stop every three fucking minutes, 'cause he gets too god damn tired from too much exercise."

At every comment, Eric was quiet and I saw him clench whatever he was holding tightly. I scooted closer and closer to him telling Kenny to fuck off each time. Stan was quiet, but he shook his head disapprovingly at Kenny.

Eric finally had enough after some ten minutes of lunch. He marched angrily out of the cafeteria and I chased after him. "Eric, just ignore him!"

He glared at me and shook his head. We continued walking down the hall, our footsteps echoing through the empty place.

I sighed, "Please, say something, Eric. Why are you mad at me? I didn't ask Kenny to be like this... I don't like that he--"

"Just shut up, Kyle."

I stopped walking, but Eric kept going. I ran in front of him and stopped, trying to force him to stop too, but he just brushed past me. I stood staring at him, feeling heartbroken. I chased after him again and grabbed onto his arm, pulling for him to stop, "Eric, _please_..." I got in front of him and threw my arms desperately around him, throwing all of my weight on him. He finally stopped walking and stood there completely still.

I kept my arms wrapped tightly around him, my eyes flooding with tears from both frustration and being crushed by Eric's behavior. "Eric... can you _please_ just say something..."

He was quiet for a while. "...What the hell do you want me to say?"

"Anything." I tightened my hold on him and buried my face in his body.

"Anything."

"No, dammit!" I yelled with my face still pressed against his body.

"You said _anything_."

"Well, that's not what I meant!"

"What the hell did you mean then?"

I looked up at him, "Just... tell me... tell me that you love me..."

He stared at me for a while and his angry look at long last softened, "Does it mean that much to you?"

"_Yes_."

"They're just words."

"I know, but I just wanna hear them..."

Eric sighed, "Then... I love you. _Happy?_"

I shook my head, "No."

"_Why?_" he rolled his eyes, "I said it, didn't I?"

"Well, it just didn't sound like you meant it..."

"They're just words, Kyle."

"I know, but--"

He leaned down and kissed me while holding me by the face. I kissed back and his lips pressed harder against mine as he pushed me up against some lockers behind me. He gently pulled away after a while and smiled at me, "I hate you."

I smiled up at him. Somehow those three words had a whole new meaning.

* * *

Eric and I only had two days before the competition. I went to his house after school to practice with him. We took turns reciting our speeches for one another for about half an hour. Usually it was Eric who would interrupt practice, saying something about me taking school too seriously, but this time it was I who through my speech down first. 

I was in the middle of reciting the thing for maybe the fifth time that afternoon when staring into Eric's beautiful eyes just got too much for me and I leaped at him, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him firmly. He at first tried to push me away, but when I grabbed hold of the collar of his jacket and refused to pull my lips from his, he gave in and kissed me back tenderly.

We both breathed hard though our noses as our lips smacked against one another's. I clung to Eric as he stood up and then fell backwards on his bed. Our lips parted for a while for Eric to laugh a little. I giggled too and then we kissed again. I pulled my jacket off over my head and threw it behind me onto the floor.

I had my legs wrapped around Eric and I grasped his head tightly, my fingers digging into his hair, and our tongues dancing with one another's. Eric started to pull at my shirt and I let him pull it over my head and remove it completely. He sat up and I started to unbutton his jacket as he kissed my neck and massaged my chest, causing my heart to beat so fast I thought it was going to explode. Just as I had unbuttoned the last button, I heard my cell phone ringing in my backpack.

"Leave it," Eric whispered between his kisses.

I nodded with my eyes closed, completely preoccupied by Eric's touch, and moaned. I tore off Eric's jacket and he sat up a little more and started to scoot backwards on the bed, carrying me with him and not stopping his tender neck kisses. My cell phone stopped ringing. He now leaned back against the headboard of the bed. I felt his massive hands rub up and down my abdomen as we began our tongue kissing once again. I heard my phone ring again, but I didn't stop. I pulled at Eric's shirt and he stopped massaging my stomach for a brief moment so that I could take off his shirt. Eric started to feel me up again in, if possible, an even more pleasurable way and I broke away from our kissing and gasped a little.

Consumed by so much overwhelming and intense passion, I started to feel Eric up too by rubbing one hand along his chest and the other through his hair. My cell phone rang once again after just stopping a few seconds ago. "Shut the fuck up!" I yelled at it in frustration, annoyed that it was ruining the moment.

Eric laughed a little and started to kiss my neck again, this time adding a few nibbles and bites in between. I kept my hands on his shoulder, impulsively digging my nails into his flesh each time I felt a pleasurable bite on my neck. My cell phone stopped ringing and then started again. "God dammit!" I half yelled and half laughed from disbelief.

Eric pulled away, "Just answer it."

I pulled away and rushed over to pick up the irritating thing, "_Hello?_" I shouted annoyed, not bothering to check caller ID before answering it. Whoever was on the other end was quiet, but I could hear breathing. "_Hello?_" I repeated, feeling my heart tempo gradually decreasing. There was silence and then a click.

"Who was it?" Eric asked.

I threw my hands up, flipping the thing closed, "They hung up!" I sighed and looked down at my phone and flipped it open again. _3 Missed Calls: Kenny, Kenny, Kenny._ I looked up at Eric who was pulling his shirt back on. I flipped my phone closed and walked over to where my shirt was on the floor and picked it up, just as I pulled it over my head, my cell phone vibrated with a jump in my hand and started ringing again. I finished pulling on my shirt and answered the phone, "Hello?" There was no answer again. "_Hello?_"

"Hey, Kyle," Kenny finally answered on the other end.

"...Hey..." I looked at Eric who sat on the bed staring at me with a raised eyebrow. "What do you want?"

"Uh... um... shit. I mean--crap. I mean--god dammit. No, I mean... fuck! Fuck! _Fuck!_" there was a pause, "Let me start over... fuck... Uh, Kyle?"

"...Yeah?"

"Um... shit." I heard him laugh nervously on the other end. "Kyle... I'm sorry... about... stuff... Shit, I mean... about Cartman. I was acting stupid and even Stan said I was being an ass... I just... I'm sorry, Kyle."

"...'Kay..." I felt strange talking to Kenny like this with Eric watching me.

"It's just weird... It's _so_ fucking weird, you know?" He laughed a little more, sounding shaky and uneasy, "Fuck... Sorry... Stan said... well, he suggested that I do this, so..." I heard him clear his throat loudly and then take a deep breath. "Kyle... I'm sorry that I used you that way. Like always, I just wanted to play. But I would soon find out that my life would change after that day. After you left the arcade, I was sad 'cause I wanted you to stay. At first I didn't know why I felt this way. But the feeling continued to haunt me everyday. And then I realized... Hey. I'm in love you."

I was quiet for a long time, in complete shock and not believing what I just heard. Did Kenny just say that he was in love with me? With a poem? I saw Eric staring at me looking both confused and impatient. "...Uh... Kenny?"

"...Yeah?"

"...I... uh... I'll call you back later, okay? It's not a good time right now..."

"...Oh... Sorry. Okay... _shit_. I mean... bye, Kyle."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and looked at Eric.

"Kenny?" Eric said standing up, "What the fuck did he want?"

I paused, "He just wanted to apologize is all..." I answered quietly. "You know, about today."

Eric rolled his eyes, "Whatever." He started to walk out of the room, "Whaddya want for dinner?"

I slipped my cell phone in my jeans pocket and followed him out of the room, "Are you cooking?"

"Yeah, whaddya want?"

"What about your mom? Doesn't she cook?" I paused, "Hey, where is she?"

Eric shrugged as we walked down the staircase, "Dunno. She's been gone since Sunday night."

"Eric, that's like two days! Aren't you worried?"

"No."

I was quiet.

He sighed, sounding annoyed, "There's nothing to worry about. I know where she's at, okay?"

"Where?"

"That's none of your business. Now, what do you want to eat?"

* * *

I got home from Eric's at around eight that night. I went straight up to my room and sat on my bed, staring at my cell phone in my hands. I fought with whether or not I should call Kenny. I didn't want to talk to him, because I just wanted to forget about him. I didn't want him to get in the way of Eric and I. I was in love with Eric, and I didn't want that to be ruined. But I said that I would call him... Was he waiting for me to call him? If he was and I didn't call, I'd feel awful. I'd hate to be waiting for a call all night and never get it. 

I sighed and dialed Kenny's number. "Hello?" he answered quickly, as if he really had been waiting by the phone.

"Hey, Kenny. It's me."

"Hey." There was a long moment of silence. I sat on my bed, listening for Kenny to say something, not wanting to really bring up anything myself. I finally heard Kenny clear his throat, "So... how are you, Kyle?"

"Okay, I guess. How are you?"

"Okay." More silence.

I sighed, "Kenny... I need you to be honest with me. No lying. No smooth talking. No cheeky charm of yours... How do you _really_ feel about me?"

"...I told you, Kyle. I... I love you... You... You want me to read the poem again? I-I got it right here--" I heard him rustling about with paper.

"No, no, that's okay." I didn't know what to say next and there were several more minutes of silence.

"I love you, Kyle," he said softly on the other line.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "Kenny... I'm with Eric now."

"But why?"

I laughed a little, "Because I'm in love with him, Dude."

"_Why?_"

"...I dunno..." I was quiet for a while. "It's just... he's really amazing, Kenny. He pisses me off so much sometimes and I get so fucking angry and then... he just makes it go away... Like magic. He just makes me fall in love with him over and over again... I feel so happy when I'm with him, too. I feel like I could just die. I never felt like that before..." I stopped. "Sorry, I shouldn't be talking like this about him with you."

"No, it's okay. I'm the one that asked," he paused, "Kyle... I never felt like _this_ before either. I just... shit. I mean... I've been with a lot of girls and then I have one time with you and... I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop kicking myself in the ass for flirting with that arcade chick after. I just... I didn't think you would leave and then you did and... Fuck. Crap, I mean... fuck. I... I'm so messed up, Kyle. I feel like... I dunno. I feel weird."

I sighed and fell back, reclining against my pillows on my bed. "I'm sorry, Kenny... I just don't feel the same way..."

Kenny was quiet for a while and then he started laughing. "I told Stan this. About how I felt guilty about what I did and how I felt weird about it and that I didn't know what the fuck was wrong with me. He's the one that said that maybe I was falling in love with you. And then I thought about it and it made the most sense that anything has ever made before. Fuck, I started thinking and I realized that out of all the people I knew, I would fucking die if you died. I just... I fucking love you."

I sat up and squirmed a bit uneasily. I felt like I was about to cry and I didn't know exactly why. I had the biggest crush on Kenny for years and then he fucked me over and broke my heart and Eric came along and made it better. And now Kenny was telling me all these things... that he loved me... that he was sorry... that he'd die if I died. "Kenny..."

"Please, Kyle. Give me another chance. Just... just go to Sadies with me. _Please_."

I shook my head, "I can't."

"_Please. _Kyle, I'm sorry. I apologized. I wrote you a poem. It took me four hours to get it right. I never worked on anything so fucking hard in my life." I heard papers rustling,"Hear that? That's the sound of about fifty other crappy poems I wrote and threw out.Do you wanna hear 'em? Here's one. Kyle, I'm sorry for breaking your heart. But mine is broken too now that we're apart. Kyle, I'm sorry for--"

"That's okay, Kenny. Just stop."

"_Please, Kyle. I love you._"

"Kenny--"

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. My life hasn't been the same since I did it with you."

"Kenny--"

"_Please, Kyle._ Just Sadies. This Friday,_ please _just go to Sadies withme."

"I... I dunno..."

"_Please_... Just think about it will you?"

"...Alright."

I heard him sigh with relief and laugh a little, "Jesus, thank you..."

"...Bye, Kenny."

"Bye, Kyle. Uh, Good night."

I hung up and stared at my phone for a long time before tossing it onto my night stand. I shut off the light and crawled under my bed sheets, only to toss and turn in bed for hours, thinking about the confusing situation I now found myself in.


	8. Jealousy

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

**Chapter 8: Jealousy**

I woke up feeling as if I didn't get any sleep that night. I stared at my alarm clock for a long time, not truly believing that it was already 6:15 AM. I sleepily dragged myself out of bed and forced myself to face the day. As I showered and got ready for school I was counting down to seven o' clock when I would have to face Kenny. I wondered how he was going to act and if anything would be different between the two of us now. Had the ass grabbing finally come to an end? And was it so bad that a small part of me didn't like the thought of it?

I came down the stairs and greeted Stan, Bebe, and Kenny. All four of us went out to Stan's car, not really saying anything to one another. I slid into the back seat of the car with Kenny following from behind. The blonde kept a reasonable distance away from me in his seat and closed the door behind him. He turned his head and simply smiled at me in a nervous sort of way as the car started moving. I returned a weak smile to him causing his smile to change from an uneasy one to a hopeful one. I saw that he still wore the ticket with my name around his neck, but the thing was now more elaborately decorated with skillfull drawings of roses, their thorny stems intertwining with one another's and forming a single heart shape that framed my name. My name, which was before just written in black sharpie, was now rewritten in fine cursive in a silver color and it glimmered and shone in the sunlight that pierced through the car window.

Kenny saw me looking at the ticket and reached into his backpack retrieving mine. "I did yours too," he said quietly and I could've sworn I saw his cheeks tint a soft shade of pink. "That's if you want it..."

I took the heart from him, noticing that the boy had marker stains on his finger tips, and studied it in my hands. It looked similar to Kenny's only it had his name on it. I hadn't really gave much thought of going to the dance with Kenny. I was sure that it would be wrong if I did. But Kenny's sudden sweet and romantic attempts at getting me to just go to this dance were so tempting. I felt guilty for turning him down.

I looked up from the ticket at Kenny who stared at me in anticipation, his body frozen stiff and his blue eyes peeled and waiting behind that golden blonde hair of his. "Do you like it?" he asked.

I hesitantly nodded, "Yeah. It's really good, Kenny."

A big grin swept Kenny's face and he moved a little closer to me, "Like half way through shading that flower right there," he tapped at a red rose on the ticket, "my marker started to die out and I had to go down the street to the market to buy another pack."

"Can I see?" Bebe said excitedly turning around in her seat. I handed her the ticket and she took it gasping loudly, "Oh my God! That's so pretty! Kenny, I should've had you done me and Stan's for me!"

Kenny straightened in his seat, looking very proud of himself. He leaned forward and took the ticket from Bebe and turned to me, "You'll go with me now, right Kyle?"

I blinked at him for a while, "I... I dunno. I needa talk with Eric first..."

"How can you turn him down after _that_?" Bebe exclaimed.

"Babe," I heard Stan whisper to his girlfriend. He slightly shook his head at her, mouthing something that I couldn't read before returning his eyes to the road. Bebe frowned and turned back around in her seat.

I looked at Kenny who no longer had a smile on his face. I sighed, "I... I'm pretty sure that... I will..."

"You will?" Kenny's face brightened.

"...Yeah... Maybe..."

Kenny smiled, "_Maybe_? Alright. I'll take that for now." He winked at me and handed me the ticket.

At school I found Eric at his locker and pulled him aside, to start walking with me. I waited for us to be a good distance away from the others before I started talking. "Eric, I think... I think I'm gonna go with Kenny to Sadies."

Eric eyes widened and then narrowed, "What?"

"No, don't think that I like him or something! I don't! I love _you_! But..."

"_But?_"

"But I just feel... bad."

He laughed a little, "You _feel_ _bad_ for Kenny?"

I nodded, "He just wants me to go to this dance with him and it seems to mean a lot to him..." I stopped walking and pulled the ticket out of my school binder, causing yesterday's flower to fall out onto the floor. Eric took the heart from my hand and I bent down and retrieved the flower. I stared at Eric in anticipation as he studied the ticket, still wearing somewhat of a scowl on his face. "He gave me this too. Yesterday." I held up the small, slightly smashed daisy.

He looked from the white flower, to the ticket, to me, "_And?_"

I snatched the ticket from his grasp, "_And_ he's going through a lot of trouble just to get me to go to this three hour long, dinky, school dance with him." I paused, "Besides, you don't want to go anyway."

Eric crossed his arms and his body heaved up and down with a long deep breath, "And what do you want me to say to all this?"

"Well... well, that its okay that I go... That you understand."

He raised an eyebrow and dropped his hands to his side. He was quiet as he stared at the ticket in my hand, shoving his hands into his pants pockets.

"You _do_ understand, don't you?"

"No."

I dropped my head and sighed, "Eric... god dammit..."

"What? Kenny draws you a few pretty roses and gives you a flower he picked off his neighbor's garden and its enough for you--"

"He also wrote me a poem."

"Oh, _wow_," Eric rolled his eyes.

"A few actually."

Eric glared at me.

I frowned, "Eric, _please_. Don't be like this. I'm just gonna go to a stupid dance with him. I'll probably end up spending most of the night hanging out with Stan."

Eric removed his hands from his pockets and placed them in an authoritative manner on his hips, "I don't want you going to that dance with that pervert."

I glared at him, extremely annoyed at the fact that he thought he suddenly owned me or something, "What?"

"I don't want you to go," he said strongly.

I now placed my hands on my hips, taking a daring step towards him, "What if I do?"

"_You won't_."

I blinked at him for a brief moment and then scowled at him again, "Well, _I am_." I threw the ticket around my neck and returned my hands stiffly to my hips.

He shook his head, still wearing a mean look, "Fine."

"Fine." I tried to keep a straight face, but I suddenly felt this strong feeling of regret in the pit of my stomach and I felt my eyes begin to water.

Eric turned around and started to walk away from me. I blinked at him, stupidly for several moments, before running after him. "Wait what do you mean _fine?_"

"_Fine._"

"You... you're not breaking up with me, are you?" I ran beside his quick large steps.

He glanced at me and returned his eyes to looking straight ahead. "And if I am? Whatever. Now you can run off to Kenny."

"_Eric!_"

He stopped walking abruptly, causing me to bump into him. He opened his mouth to shout something at me at what I predicted to be the loudest and most harsh volume I would ever hear in my entire life and I braced myself for it. But he spoke softly and in some way it was more heart wrenching than what he could ever yell, "_Fuck off_."

I stood frozen for a long time as I watched Eric walk out of the school building. People say things about a broken heart, but what it really felt like was that my heart had completely disappeared. It just imploded within my chest and in its place was this black hole. It was empty. I felt completely and thoroughly _empty_.

I stared at the door Eric had walked out of, trying to figure out whether or not what had just happened was real. It couldn't be real. Eric and I might have fought a little, but there was no way that he just walked out that door. There was no way he just left me here alone. There was no way he left me. He couldn't have.

He did.

I was shaken out of my mindless state of disbelief and despair by a gentle hand on my shoulder. As soon as I recognized Stan's face I flung my arms around him crying as the world seemed to be coming to an end all around me. Stan stood still timidly patting me on the back, "It's alright, Dude... calm down..."

After about a thirty second break down, I quickly stopped myself, feeling embarrassed for such a display. I pulled away from Stan, my cheeks now stained with tears, "He... left me..." I said not really for Stan, but for myself.

Stan slowly nodded, "Come on," he said walking towards the boys' bathroom.

Once I was inside and out of public eyes, I felt myself tear up again and I buried my face in my hands, sobbing uncontrollably. When I was happy with Eric I felt like I could die happily. Now I just wanted to die.

"Come on, Kyle... Stop this..." I heard Stan say uneasily.

"I-I can't help it! I c-can't believe this is ha-happening!" I felt Stan take my hand and place a paper towel in it. I looked up and sniffed loudly, wiping at my eyes with the paper. "Everything was so perfect, Stan... I felt so happy... I thought that we would never ever _ever_ break up... J-just yesterday I was so happy 'cause finally everyone knew about us and I thought... I thought we would start a _real_ relationship... I can't believe he's doing this... Now of all times… after all we've accomplished…. "

"Well, he's an asshole. Fuck him."

I shook my head, my lips quivering as I fought back more tears, "Stan..."

Stan placed a hand on my shoulder, "Come on, Kyle. You're better than this... Don't let him do this to you..."

I took a deep breath, "I just... It hurts _so_ _bad_, Stan..."

Stan nodded, "Yeah..."

"I... I dunno what to do now... I'm so confused..." I spoke mostly to myself, trying to decipher all these things that were swarming through my head. Stan seemed to understand because he remained silent, "I just wanted to tell him that I was going to the dance with Kenny and I didn't even have to tell him. Or I guess I did, I mean he's my boyfriend... Or... was... But then he still didn't have any right on telling what I could and couldn't do! That's not his right! I just was so angry and I... I fucked up..." I looked at Stan, "Oh God, I fucked up... It's all my fault..."

"It's not your fault..."

"Yes it is! Oh God, I was being so fucking selfish, wasn't I? _Oh God_, I just..." I took a shaky breath, trying to get a hold of myself. Why couldn't I just turn back time? I saw my reflection in the mirror and Kenny's heart around my neck. I wish I just had turned him down in the car. Why did I have to feel sorry for him to begin with? "Shit, I feel _so stupid_. _How could I let myself do this?_"

"Come on, Dude..." Stan seemed to be somewhat impatient, "You need to calm down... Dude, screw Cartman. You can do _a lot_ better than him." He smiled reassuringly, "Kenny really likes you. He _really_ does. You should've seen him the other day when he was ranting about you and how he couldn't understand why you were acting like you were acting, and how he didn't get why he cared about how you were acting. And then he realized that he _really_ liked you and flipped out. He went insane for like five minutes just screaming 'Holy fuck! Holy fuck!' and pacing back and forth, pulling at his hair. Then he like demanded for me to tell him on how to win you back..." Stan laughed a little, "Dude, you tamed the untamable."

Stan was not helping. I didn't give a shit about Kenny right then and I was not just gonna go running into his arms now that Eric was gone. I had to get Eric back. I took a deep breath and wiped at my eyes with the towel again, before throwing it in the trash bin and leaving the bathroom.

* * *

I was pissed off at everyone around me. They were constantly trying to convince me that Eric wasn't the one for me. That all I had with him was some temporary crush and that I needed to move on. That I was insane if I really felt something for him. Nobody got it. I felt like screaming when I sat in the backseat of Stan's car as he drove Bebe, Kenny, and I home after school that day. Bebe was comparing Eric and Kenny, and she didn't even know who _Eric_ was. 

"Cartman is fat.," she said counting it as the fourth point with her fingers, "Kenny is a _little_ too skinny--"

"Hey!" Kenny glared at her from my side.

"But I suppose he's got _some_ muscle and its better than being fat." She paused, "Cartman didn't want to go to Sadies with you. Kenny does and he's showed that to you in some very romantic ways as well. And let's see, hmm... Cartman dumped you. Kenny's right here and waiting. So what the hell are you waiting for Kyle?"

I shook my head and was quiet. I was pretty sick of arguing for the day. I really just wanted to be left alone, and I even thought about opening the car door while it was still in motion and just jumping out. Anything to get away from them.

And I felt worse seeing that Kenny wasn't taking advantage of this. I never thought that I'd feel bad for not having the blonde jumping on me. I guess it just made me feel scared. Kenny was letting me agonize over Eric and it just showed that he actually did care about me. That he might actually, really, truly love me. And I didn't want that. I didn't want Kenny to love me. I felt like it was only a matter of time before I just gave up and took Kenny and I hated that temptation. I wanted Eric to love me, because I loved him. I didn't want anyone but him and I had to get him back.

We came to my house and I opened the door to leave, but I felt Kenny gently touch my hand that rested on the seat. I looked at him and he wore a sincere look on his face, "You gonna be okay, Kyle?"

I slowly nodded. Without warning Kenny embraced me in a hug, and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around him and hug him back. It felt good. It didn't feel like he was trying to seduce me or anything. It was just an honest, consoling, friendly hug that I really needed amidst all the _Get over it_ attitudes I had been receiving all day.

I pulled away from the hug and stepped out of the car, closing the door behind me.They drove off and I found myself not walking to my house but in the direction of Eric's house. I really needed to see him. To apologize even though I wasn't quite sure what that would be for exactly.

I didn't get some three houses down the street from my own home when I spotted a police car coming towards me. I watch the car continue and then park out in front of my house. I stopped walking and started back to my house, something telling me that it was there for a good reason.

I saw a police officer step out of the car and when I saw Eric appear out of the vehicle, my hastened steps turned into a run. Eric wore an indifferent look on his face. He didn't seem to care that I was there, or that he was there.

"What's going on?" I asked slightly out of breath when I reached the two, looking from Eric to the cop.

The old, bearded policeman looked down at me, "Do you live here?"

I nodded.

"Is your mother and father home?"

I nodded, "My ma yeah... Why?"

"I need to speak with her about something," the policeman said approaching the house.

I looked at Eric with extreme concern, "What's going on?"

Eric glanced at me and then turned his gaze to his traveling feet. We reached the front door and I showed both the policeman and Eric inside. "Ma!" I called out, walking towards the kitchen where I smelled food cooking.

My mother emerged from the kitchen, "What is it, Kyle?" she spotted the cop, "Oh my goodness... Officer, what's going on?" she walked over to him.

I went and stood beside my mother. "Well," the man sighed, "This boy here, Eric Cartman, is in a bit of jam. Earlier today the station unfortunately came across the body of his dead mother. Seeing as Ms. Liane Cartman was his only family in the area and was his sole provider, the kid's got nowhere to go. He says he's good friends with your son and so we were wondering if you would be so kind as to house the boy temporarily, until we get custody issues worked out amongst his family."

"Well, _of course_. My goodness... What happened? How did she..." my mother said quietly.

"We're not on liberty to say right now."

"Oh, I understand."

I stared at Eric in shock of the entire situation. His mom was dead? He looked utterly apathetic to the whole thing and almost annoyed that he was standing there in my house.

"We really appreciate this, Ma'am." He looked to Eric, "Son, you want to get your suitcase from the car now?" Eric turned around and walked out of the house without a word. The officer turned back to my mom, "It'll only be for a couple weeks at most."

"Yes, it's fine."

Eric returned with a large suitcase in his hands.

"You take it easy alright, Son?" the cop patted Eric on the shoulder before leaving our house.

"Dear, I'm so sorry for your loss," my mom frowned at Eric. "Things will get better," she smiled reassuringly. "You make yourself at home." She returned to the kitchen.

I was quiet as Eric and I started up the stairs to my room. Eric threw the suitcase on the floor forcefully and causing the ground to shake a little. "Eric... I'm so sorry..." I said softly.

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow, "Sorry for what?"

"Well... your mom..."

"Oh _that_."

"Are you still made at me about--"

"Yes."

I was quiet, "Then... then why did you ask the cops to bring you here?"

He didn't answer me.

I sighed, "Eric, are you okay?"

He was silent.

"Eric, you're gonna have to talk to me at some point if you're living here now."

"It's only temporary."

I frowned and walked over to my bed and sat down on it. "Our competition is tomorrow."

He said nothing.

"You know what everyone said when you left me today?" Eric didn't answer but I didn't expect him to anyway. "They said that I should get over you. That I should hook up with Kenny. But I can't, Eric. I can't get over you. And I don't love Kenny. I love _you_." I felt myself tear up a little, "Please, Eric. I love you. I don't want us to be over. And now this has happened... And you're standing there like... a zombie. Eric, your mom _died_... Eric, don't you feel like crying?"

"No."

"Well you should. It's healthy."

"Oh? Who says?"

"Dunno. It's just a common fact."

"Just because I'm not crying doesn't mean I don't care."

I was quiet for a moment, "Do you want to sit down?"

He looked at me and slowly came and sat by my side.

I stared at him for a long time.

He looked down at me, "What?" he asked annoyed.

I didn't say anything.

He looked away, "How the fuck can you expect me to forgive you when you got that shit still around your neck?"

I looked down at myself and saw that I still had Kenny's ticket on me. I took it off and set it beside me on the bed. "It's gone..." I said.

He looked at me, "Hmm. And when's it coming back?"

"Eric, I love you."

"You said that already."

"I don't love Kenny."

"Said that too."

"But I'm going to the dance with him. As a friend."

"Kenny won't see it as that."

"Maybe he won't... but Eric, he's not gonna rape me on the dance floor."

Eric gave a short laugh.

"Don't you trust me?"

He raised an eyebrow and looked away.

"You don't? I can't believe this... I know that we have our differences, but you can trust that I won't cheat on you with Kenny? Can't you just believe that I don't--"

"God dammit, shut up."

"I just don't see how you can't trust me. I thought--"

Eric let out an annoyed sigh, "Stop it already! I trust you, okay?"

I looked up at him and waited. He knew what I wanted, but it took him a while to get over himself. He leaned forward and kissed me gently on the lips, "Shut up now, okay?"

I nodded and smiled a little. I wrapped my arms around him and let out a sigh, "You sure you okay about your mom?"

"Didn't we just agree that you would shut up?"

"Sorry. I'm just concerned, that's all..."

"I'm _fine_."

I hesitated, "Do you know what happened to her?"

"They think she was poisoned."

I tightened my hold on him, "Who would do such a thing?"

"Someone who wanted her dead."

"Yeah, but _who_?"

Eric was quiet for a long time. He finally looked down at me and wrapped an arm around my waist, scooting me closer. He tilted his head to one side, as if trying to work something out in his head, "Think I can add some _my mother just died_ sympathy into my speech somehow?"

Unbelievable.


	9. Trust

-

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

**Chapter 9: Trust**

Although the subject of the death of Eric's mother was bothering me a lot, I couldn't find myself to bring it up again. I didn't want to get Eric upset or angry, afraid that he would turn around and leave me just like before. He didn't talk about it on his own at all. It was as if nothing happened. Or as if he just didn't care, though I liked to think that he _had_ to care. At least a little. I mean, it was his _mother_.

Eric and I didn't have classes that next day because of the competition. Instead of riding to school with Stan, Bebe, and Kenny, Eric took me to school and we met up with our coach in the attendance office at the start of first period. She was there waiting with our short, bald man, assistant principal, Mr. Harding, who was also going to accompany us to the competition.

Our coach drove, Mr. Harding sat in the passenger seat, while Eric and I sat in the back seat of the coach's car. Mr. Harding spoke with the coach, but I wasn't really listening to what exactly they were saying, although I'd usually love the chance to eavesdrop on the faculty like that. I was too preoccupied with my speech which I held in my hands, rereading the thing over and over again. I didn't notice how hard I was grasping my note cards that the speech was now written up on, until Eric gently tugged at my arms, "You seriously needa calm down, Jew."

I relaxed my grip on the note cards and wiped my sweating palms on my jeans. I looked up at him and smiled nervously. "Aren't you gonna practice your speech a few last times?"

Eric shook his head, wearing a confident smirk on his face, "Nah."

It took us maybe half an hour to get to the place in Middle Park. It was just supposed to be students attending school in Park County, so it wasn't that big a thing, but the next stage was huge. When we walked into the building, everything was quiet. The room we were in was small and empty. There was a women who sat behind a desk, typing away at a computer. She looked up and seemed to know the reason for our visit, quickly returning her eyes to the computer screen, "Contestants in that room," she said pointing a finger at a door, "Audience members around the corner," she pointed in the opposite direction.

"Well, good luck, boys," our coach smiled.

I looked at Eric and he looked at me, and we started towards the door we were told to enter. As soon as we were in the room, all eyes were on us. There were six other students there, sitting around a large table, most of them either holding note cards or papers in their hands.

"Are you... Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski from South Park High School?" a women with a clipboard asked.

Eric nodded, "Yeah, that's us."

"Alright..." the lady highlighted something on the clipboard, "Go ahead and have a seat, boys. We'll be starting shortly."

Eric and I walked over to the table where the other contestants sat and seated ourselves next to one another in two vacant chairs. I looked around the table and saw that there were five girls and only one other boy. I looked down at my note cards, starting to run the speech through once again in my head, but I was quickly interrupted.

"You two are from South Park High?" the girl next to me asked. Like Eric and I, she wore a polo sporting her school name and reading _Debate._ Everyone in the room seemed to have a similar uniform consisting of jeans, a polo, and a long sleeved shirt underneath, that save us all from the freezing cold, November weather. The girl's was a dark purple color though, while Eric and mine was the traditional South Park green.

"Uh, yeah," I answered, my voice sounding a little dry. I felt Eric tap me on the shoulder and I looked at him. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at a water fountain. I stood up and got a quick drink and came back.

"Christ, look at you. What the fuck are you worried about? You need to calm your ass down, Kyle," Eric said.

"I _am_ calm," I said tapping my note cards impatiently watching the clock on the opposite wall, "I can't help being a _little_ nervous."

"_I'm_ not nervous. This is my _seventh_ competition," the girl next to me budded in.

"_I'm_ not nervous either," Eric rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed at the girl's boasting comment. "And this is more like me _seventeenth_ competition."

"Oh?" the girl turned in her seat, looking over me at Eric. "How many have you won? I've placed in all seven and won first place in four."

Eric smirked at her, "Are you a freshman?"

"Yes."

Eric sighed and looked at me, "Judges love freshmen, don't they? I wish I were still one and I could gain some extra sympathy points."

"Grade doesn't matter. Judges aren't supposed to look at that."

Eric ignored her. He turned my chair so that I face him, "Wanna go over it again?"

I nodded and shuffled my notes back in their right order. Eric snatched them from my hands, "Hey!"

"No notes. You don't have it memorized by now, you're screwed."

I frowned, "I _do_ have it memorized. I just feel comfortable with them right now."

"No fuck that. No notes."

I glared at him.

"_No notes_."

I sighed and sat up in my seat and started to recite my speech quietly so that only Eric could hear. I kept my eyes locked with Eric's just I had practiced with him many times before. When I finished, I let out a deep relieved sigh. Eric smiled at me, "Good job. I think you'll win."

It made me blush to hear him say that he thought I was going to win as opposed to himself, like he usually predicted. "Really?"

Eric nodded.

I smiled, feeling my nerves calm a little more, even though Eric was probably just trying to be nice. But I guess anyone would smile if they were one of the few that Eric would actually _be nice _to. The lady with the clipboard came to the head of the table, "Alright, contestants. We're going to draw to see who goes when, okay?" she said shaking a small box with folded pieces of paper in it. She walked around the table, allowing each kid to pick a piece of paper from the bunch.

I took a paper and held my breath as I unfolded it. "8."

"Alright, I'm second," Eric grinned satisfied.

"I'm last..." I frowned looking up at him, "I don't wanna be last, Eric... Being either first or last, is like the worst thing ever."

"No it's not," he shook his head laughing a little. "You nervous about being last?"

"Yeah."

"Tell 'em that."

"Who?"

"The judges. When you get in there just be like _Heh heh, sorry. I'm **really** nervous. I hate being last, heh_."

I laughed at the way Eric tried to mimic me.

"And like trip when you go in, so that they think you're really nervous and shit about the fact that you're last. They'll feel sorry for you, and be nicer when they're listening."

I laughed some more.

"I'm serious."

"I know you are. That's why it's funny," I smiled.

Eric rolled his eyes, "Fuck you then. Just trying to help."

The first person was called out of the room. Everybody was quiet, as we all tried to listen to the contestant's muffled voice through the wall. Some five minutes later we heard clapping and we knew it was over. I looked at Eric knowing that he was next and saw that he still looked as calm as ever.

The girl who had just went came back into the room, wearing a relieved smile on her face. The women with a clipboard congratulated her and then looked at Eric, "Are you ready?"

Eric nodded. He looked down at me and raised his eyebrows like saying _Well, this is it_. I leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, "Good luck." He stood up and left. When he was out of the room, I noticed that everyone was now staring at me, and I only then realized that I had kissed him in front of a bunch of strangers.

I felt my face redden a little, and I slumped down in my chair, fixing my eyes on my note cards, though I wasn't reading them. I kept my ears tuned for Eric's voice, that was going to pierce the atmosphere at any moment then. When I finally heard it, it sent a chill down my body and goose bumps emerged all over. He was an amazing speaker and I knew his voice intimidated everyone in the room, which made me smile. I could _feel_ it. They were all listening to Eric's voice and they were all impressed. I looked up and saw everyone exchanging glances with one another as Eric's voice continued loud and strong. They _knew_ Eric's speech was brilliant, without even really hearing it. I could see that they all now saw Eric as the kid they'd have to beat.

About five minutes later, Eric's voice stopped and applauding was heard. He came into the room, smiling a sly smile. He came over and gently pulled me up from the chair, taking me by the arm, and leading me into the far corner of the room.

"How'd it go? What happened?" I asked eagerly.

"Went okay. I think I did pretty fucking good," he answered. He lowered his voice, "There's no podium."

"What?"

"No podium, no microphone, and the room's only as big as this one."

"_Only?_ Eric, I need a mic. They're not going to be able to hear me."

"Well then, you'll have to be loud, now won't you?" he paused, "The judges are spread throughout the crowd."

"How the hell am I supposed to know whose a judge then?"

"Exactly. Makes ass kissing a lot tougher," he shook his head. "Well, there's this old lady in the front with a stop watch. Make lots of eye contact with her. She smiles a lot. There's a young dude in a black suit way in the back taking notes. He smiles too, but not as much and I think its important to make a lot of eye contact with him too. There's an old Asian guy in the second row on your right side. He's pissed off about something, and he didn't smile not once, but he's taking notes too, so you should definitely acknowledge him. There's another grumpy mother fucker in a blue suit a few chairs away from him. There's this lady in a purple dress and some black chick next to her and both have got notes. They seemed to be listening a lot more than anyone else, so be sure to look at them too. Oh, and then there's the guy with a stop watch in the middle of the crowd, whose gonna be showing you the time markers. He seems too concerned with whether or not your running within the time, so fuck him. Make some eye contact with the dude, but don't over do it."

"Is that it?"

"That's what I got."

I sighed.

"Don't be nervous."

"I can't help it. Why the hell don't they have a mic?"

"Kyle, screw the mic. How many times have you practiced this speech with a mic?"

"Well... none."

"Exactly. _Screw the mic_. The room's just a little bigger than our classroom size. You'll be fine."

I took a deep breath and Eric and I walked back over to the table, now hearing the next contestant's distant voice through the wall. I sat there, nervously tapping my note cards on the table, with Eric stopping me every few minutes.

Each opponent came and went and at long last it was my turn. When I was called to leave the room, I looked at Eric, taking one last long, deep breath. "Kyle. _Screw the mic_."

I laughed a little and he smiled at me. I didn't expect him to do it, and I felt incredibly relieved and happy when he actually did give me a kiss on the cheek like I had given him. It really did help me calm down a bit, although I was still pretty nervous as I rubbed my sweaty palms on my pants for the last time as I walked out of the room.

I was shown down this short hallway and into a room filled with people. I was at the front of the room, and I started to make my way to the middle of the floor. I tripped. It wasn't intentional like Eric had told me to do, but a genuine trip that sent me stumbling into place. I blushed a little, staring at the audience, "Sorry..." I said quietly, "I'm kinda nervous... about... being last." I heard a few chuckles and spotted a few kind smiles, and I felt a little better.

I cleared my throat and straightened myself up.

"Begin whenever you're ready," the old lady with a stop watch smiled.

I nodded and cleared my throat again. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I would like to start off the topic of the American Enterprise System with a brief history lesson... On July 4th, 1776, the Continental Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence, thus establishing a new nation. The founding fathers of America felt that King George III was unfair to the colonies. They feared unwarranted government power, and longed for personal freedom. The United States was founded on the belief of freedom, and very importantly, economic freedom as well. Our nation has been able to maintain the rights of the individual as many years have passed and the ideas of our society have changed. After all, it is the individual who is responsible for his or her own economy."

_Louder, Kyle. Louder._

"Who really runs the American Enterprise System? The government? Most would say that, but the government's solitary role in the economy is to look out for every American. Like the caring parents of the nation, the government ensures the safety of the people. The government has created several laws and agencies beneficial to the people and only to the people. For instance, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration bans harmful drugs. In 1967, the Wholesome Meat Act was passed, requiring federal inspection of meat. Think about it. Companies could sell spoiled or even rotten meat and cheap, unsafe drugs to the public, without their knowledge, for low prices and high profits. The Occupational Safety and Hazard Administration, founded in 1970, makes certain that work places are safe. Again, a benefit to the people, a disadvantage to the businessman. Lastly, there's the Environmental Protection Agency who ensures that companies are regulated so that we can do our best to keep the water, earth, and air clean for today and future generations."

_Why am I standing in one place? Have I been moving at all? Fuck, I need to move._

"Some believe that the American Enterprise isn't free market at all and that the government is in complete control. But unlike a socialist economy, which is run strictly by the government, our nation's economy has allowed for many freedoms in the world of business. Not only does the success of the economy lie within the hands of the consumer, but within the hands of the voter as well. Some say that corporations like _Starbucks_, _McDonalds_, and _Disney_ have become too powerful, but it is the consumer that got them where they are today. But if an industry becomes extremely large and in some way abuses its power, it is then the government's job to step in. And in this democratic nation, it is the citizens who chose the people who make up the government. Ronald Reagan once said, 'Inflation is as violent as a mugger, as frightening as an armed robber, and as deadly as a hit man.' The government's only job in the economy is to protect us from these villains."

_How the hell did I end up all the way on the left side of the room? Have I even been to the right side yet? Shit. And did I say su-sess instead of suc-sess?_

"For every person who criticizes the government's role in the economy as being too controlling, there is another person who feels that the government should take complete control and adopt the idea of socialism. Socialists believe that is the government ran the economy, there would be no rich and no poor. Although this does appear to be glamorous and attracting, it contradicts what the United States stands for. Think back to the founding fathers of America and their long, harsh battle for independence. They sacrificed so much so that they would be free from monarchy. A couple years ago, there was a governor by the name of Gray Davis. He was responsible for a 34.6 billion dollar budget deficit. His home state of California felt as if he didn't truly represent the state, this not fulfilling his role as governor. And so what did the state do? By the power of the people, they were able to rid of the governor and in turn sway which way their own economy went. This idea of citizen control is hardly a socialist belief."

_Have I made eye contact with everyone? Stop watch lady... black suit guy... the grumpy guys... those two ladies... the marker guy? Crap, what's my time? He's got a green card up... what the fuck does that mean again? Green is... good. I got the required time. Thank fucking God._

"So does the American Enterprise System work? ...Yes. It has been able to survive many things including the Great Depression, World War I and II, and colossal government deficits, all of which have been experienced through many a form of economy. Socialism, capitalism, and much more, though not all have passed the test. But ours has. In the 1990s, the United States accounted for about five percent of the world's population, but it was responsible for more than twenty-five percent of the world's economic output. The system represents the people, and of course it is the people who are the core of this country. It is not controlled by the U.S. government, but simply monitored for the nation's well-being. Without some government involvement, our nation would be susceptible to financial failure. Also, complete government control is not the economic answer. Socialism undermines the democratic beliefs that this country was founded on. I believe Dwight D. Eisenhower best described the faults of socialism when he said, 'If you want total security, go to prison. There you are fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking..."_ Dramatic pause._ "Is freedom. ...Thank you."

I took a deep relieving breath as I stood in front of the crowd that politely applauded for me. I spotted my coach and the assistant principal clapping loudly and smiling at me. I smiled back at them as I was shown out of the room.

I was still smiling when I walked back into the room with the other contestants. Eric grinned at me, standing up from his seat and approaching me. "I tripped!" I laughed throwing up my hands.

"Nice."

"No!" I giggled, "I didn't mean to! I just… tripped!"

Eric smirked, "Look at you. You were fucking shaking and sweating like hell five minutes ago and now you're bouncing up and down and laughing about tripping like a drunk."

I threw a hand over my big grin, muffling my laughter.

"Contestants?" the clipboard lady peered into the room, "You can all come out into the other room now."

Eric and I exchanged glance and I finally stopped my laughing, though I still grinned like an idiot. The two of us and the six other contestants went into the room where we had presented our speeches. Eric and I sat next to our coach who congratulated us along with the assistant principal.

I suddenly felt nervous again when I saw all the judges gathered around a table, knowing that they were calculating who won. After what seemed like ages, the man who had been in the back of the room, wearing that black suit walked to the front of the room with a piece of paper in hand.

He gave a small speech about how proud he was of everyone, but I didn't really care and didn't really listen. "And now, for the winners." I held my breath. "Fourth place and fifty dollars goes to... Marina Lucan." The freshman girl who had pissed Eric off stood up and went to the front of the room to claim her envelope of money and fancy certificate.

"Third place and one hundred dollars goes to... Eric Cartman." I looked at Eric and smiled big. He returned a smile and left my side to join the freshman girl at the front of the room, with our coach clapping excitedly, seeming more happy for Eric than I looked. I _was_ happy, but I really thought Eric was going to win first. I guessed third was better than nothing. But now that Eric had placed, I was certain that there was no way I was going to place higher than him.

"Second and two hundred and fifty dollars goes to... Jenny Chung."

There was an applause and then you could immediately feel the tension in the room. Everybody was on the edge of their seat, waiting to see who would win first place.

"Lastly... First place and five hundred dollars... Our regional champion who will go on to compete for the state title is... Kyle Broflovski."

I looked around the room, convinced that my mind said _Kyle Broflovski_ over the man's voice, in an attempt to just make myself feel a little better. But my coach was cheering and clapping, "Kyle, go on! Get up there!"

"Wha?" I stood up confused for a while and then when I saw the man at the front gesturing for me to come up, it finally hit me and I was grinning stupidly again. I shook the man's hand and took the certificate and envelope from him. I looked at Eric who smiled at me. I couldn't wait to get out of that place so that I could kiss him as much as I wanted to right then.

* * *

When we got back to school, we still had two classes left in the day, but since we were already excused, Eric and I saw no point in attending those classes and the two of started our drive home. I was still bouncing up and down in my seat, so much so that I saw Eric's head move up and down as he watched me smiling. "I told you you'd win." 

"I know but I thought you were just saying that! So that I'd feel better! I didn't think I actually would win! I thought for sure after they said your name that there was no chance I'd win anything!"

"Alright, alright. Quit rubbing it in."

"Sorry! I don't mean to! Its just that I'm so happy! Eric, I know I wouldn't have won if it wasn't for your help! Oh, God, I love you so much!"

We came to a stop at the front my house and I lunged at Eric, kissing him hard on the mouth. He laughed a little and then kissed back. We made out for a while inside his car, fogging up all of his windows. Eric finally called for a stop some ten minutes later and we went inside to continue our kisses on the bed in my room.

I felt so happy right then and I seemed to forget everything else in the world but us two. I couldn't stop laughing in between our kisses because I was so fucking happy. My cell phone started ringing and I went to answer it. The caller ID said it was Stan, "Hello?"

"Dude, you won!" Stan laughed on the other end.

"I _know_." I sat down on the bed, leaning against Eric who smiled shaking his head at me.

"They just announced it coming out of fifth period. Congratulations, Man."

"Thanks, Stan."

"Hold on, for a second."

"'Kay."

"Hello?" Kenny said on the other line.

"Uh, hey."

"Kyle, this is _so_ awesome! Congrats! I'm _so_ fucking happy for you right now!"

"Thanks."

"Kyle, Stan and I gotta get to class, but in case I don't see you by then, I'm gonna pick you up tomorrow for the dance at 7:30, okay?"

"7:30... right. Sure thing."

"Bye, Kyle!"

"Bye."

"What's at 7:30?" Eric asked.

"Um... that's when Kenny's picking me up tomorrow..."

Eric sat up and glared at me, "I thought we said you weren't going with him to Sadies."

"No... we said that it was okay that I went because you trust me, right?"

Eric huffed, "I can trust you. I don't trust him."

"Eric..." I sighed.

"What?"

I frowned, "I'm gonna go to that dance. I can't just break it off now. He--"

"Sure you can. It's easy."

"No, it isn't. Eric, even if you don't trust Kenny, which I think you should, you should be able to trust me well enough to not put myself in some situation that would jeopardize things."

Eric shook his head, "I don't trust Kenny."

I glared at him, "Did you even hear what I just said?"

"I heard. And I'll say it again. _I don't trust Kenny._"

"Eric!"

"What?"

I clenched my fists in frustration and tried to calm myself down.

"_What?_" he repeated.

"It sounds like you don't trust _me_."

"Of course I do."

"Well, it doesn't sound like it!" I shouted.

"_What the fuck do you want me to do, Kyle?_" he shouted even louder, causing me to jump back a little.

"_I want you to trust me!_" I yelled back, feeling myself tear up.

"_I do! How many fucking times do I have to say it god dammit?_" he shouted even louder than before.

"_You say you do but you don't! You don't or you wouldn't be acting like this!_"

"_I trust you! Can't you fucking hear me? I said I don't trust that horny fucker!_" his volume only increased with every word.

"_You're just using that as an excuse! You don't trust me at all!_" I felt a tear escape my eye.

"_Yes I do!_"

"_No, no you don't! I know you don't!_"

"_Fine! You don't think I trust you? I'll tell you! **I killed her! How's that for fucking trust?**_"

I stopped. "You... you what?"

"_I killed her!_" he continued to shout, "_I poisoned my mom and killed her!_"

I stared at Eric with wide, tear filled eyes, "...No... you couldn't have... W-why would you kill your own m-mother?"

"_Because!_" he shouted and I jumped, starting to visibly and uncontrollably shake in fear. Eric saw this and took a deep breath, trying to control himself, "Because..." he started again, no longer shouting, but still being pretty loud and a hint of hostility in his voice, "She was in the way."

"H-h-how?" I still shook. I couldn't control it.

"She'd find out about us and never approve it. She always tried to tell me that gays were evil and she'd never fucking stand by and let us be happy together. I had to get rid of her. She was in the way, don't you see?" He reached out to touch me and I flinched, pulling away, feeling as scared of him as ever. I couldn't believe what he was saying. He couldn't have murdered his mom. But he wore all seriousness in is face and in his voice. …He really killed her.

He tried to touch me again and I shook even more, feeling like I didn't know who he was anymore. Eric's eyes now watered, "I did it for you, Kyle..."

I just sat there on the bed shaking and crying. I kept my fists clenched tightly, trying to hold back from something big. I wasn't sure what it was, but it was probably a huge break down. Eric tried again and I shook even more as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I did it all for you, Kyle..." he said softly, "For _you_... You're all I ever wanted..."

How could something make my heart soar so high, yet make me shake with the most extreme fear I had ever experienced at the same time?


	10. Sadies

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

**Chapter 10: Sadies**

I was so scared. I felt Eric's hold tighten around me and I closed my eyes, feeling tears escape and drip down my face. I turned in Eric's embrace and wrapped my arms around him, trying desperately to find that comfort his hold had given me before. I buried my face in his body and tried to find that familiar warmth. It was as if the love I had in Eric was hiding and being completely overshadowed by something darker. I couldn't stop shaking. I was so scared. I was so scared, I couldn't even recognize the one I loved.

"Stop crying, Kyle..." Eric said quietly.

I tried to, but I couldn't. I tightened my hold on Eric, as I felt my body begin to shake more as the amount of tears that plastered my face increased.

"Are you scared?" Eric asked, taking a hand and gently wiping my face clean of tears.

I looked up at him as he held my face, my teeth chattering, and slowly nodded.

He wiped my face again and then held it firmly with both hands, "Don't be scared."

I sniffed loudly and shut my eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath. I opened my eyes and looked at Eric, searching his eyes for something that would reassure me that everything was okay.

"Kyle, there's no reason to be afraid. They don't suspect anything. There's no way that they'll ever think I did it."

"B-b-but... y-you k-killed her..."

"I told you, I had to do it. She was in the way. I wasn't going to let her come between us."

I pulled away, "B-but, you could've t-talked to her... or... something like that... Eric, th-this could've b-been resolved in some other w-way... Y-y-you didn't ha-have to k-kill her..."

He shook his head, "I know what I had to do."

I sat back and pulled my knees up tightly to my chest, trying to stop myself from shaking. I buried my face in my knees and wept. I couldn't believe this was happening. I couldn't believe Eric would do something like that. Now that I saw that he had done something that I could never imagine, I wondered what else he was capable of doing. What else would he do? Would he do anything else as terrible or possibly more horrible than this?

And what made it all worse was that he had no guilt whatsoever about the whole thing. He said he did it for us. For _me_. I was so confused on how I was supposed to feel about that. Amidst all this fear, there was a very small trace of almost happiness, knowing that he had to love me to do something like that for the sake of our relationship. Then the thought of what Eric would do for our love, suddenly struck even more fear in me. If he would murder his own mother so that we could be together, then he obviously saw the two of us having an everlasting relationship. He expected the two of us to be together forever. ...I never really thought about that. I hadn't really looked to the future that much yet. Did I want to be with Eric forever? Ten minutes ago, I would've answered "Yes" without any hesitation, but now... now I didn't know what to feel.

"Kyle..." I heard Eric say, "Kyle, come on... Stop it."

I took several deep breaths, telling myself in my head over and over to stop shaking and pull myself together. Sitting there crying wasn't doing any good. After one last, long breath, I finally stopped shaking and looked up, wiping at my eyes with my sleeves, "I'm... sorry..." I tried to smile.

Eric scooted closer to me on the bed, "I love you."

I opened my mouth and found my voice gone. "...I love you too," I finally managed to squeak.

* * *

I found myself uncomfortable around Eric. I was still feeling scared, though I wasn't too sure on what was it that was making me feel that way. I guess it was a lot of things. 

For one, I was afraid that somehow Eric would be caught and taken away from me, but then I was also scared that he wouldn't be caught. I don't know how I could be afraid of both scenarios, but I was.

I was also scared of what was to come. I was terrified and paranoid about soon discovering more dark secrets about the boy I loved and thought I knew so well.

I was also afraid of what I felt. I loved him. I was scared that I did, and then I was scared that I was scared of this. If I was afraid to love him, then was I truly in love with him? How could I be afraid to love? This sudden doubt in my feelings for Eric scared me. I _wanted_ to love him. And then I was afraid that he would find this out. What would he do if he knew I was skeptical about our relationship... the very thing he had killed for?

It took me a long time to fall asleep that night. I lay in Eric's embrace, my eyes wide open in the pitch, black dark for hours. Every time Eric moved the slightest in his sleep, I flinched and my heart jumped just about up my throat and out of my mouth. When I finally did fall asleep, it was a very empty rest, as if I wasn't really asleep. Like I had my eyes closed and simply slipped out of consciousness, though not into an actual slumber.

I woke up feeling as tired as ever, and still feeling paranoid and scared around Eric. At school, I was sure not to leave his side, afraid that he would think I was acting weird or sense that I was somewhat fearing him now.

And then it was seven that night and I was getting dressed for the dance. It wasn't a formal event, but I thought it'd be necessary to throw on a clean pair of pants for the night. Eric watched me throw my ticket around my neck and fix it in front of the mirror. He hadn't said anything about going to Sadies since the other day. I turned around and looked at him. He lay on his side, with his head propped up on one hand, on my bed.

"You can still go, if you want," I said.

He rolled his eyes, "No thanks."

I was quiet and I stood there waiting for him to say or do something.

"What?" he said.

"...Are you mad at me for going?"

"Yes."

I frowned.

"What? You want me to lie?"

"...No."

He sat up on the bed, "What time are you gonna be back home?"

"I dunno... the dance is over at midnight."

"So midnight?"

"Well, probably a little after that..."

He rolled his eyes again.

I sighed and went over and sat next to him, "Please say that its okay that I go... That you understand."

"I thought you didn't want me to lie?"

"Eric..."

"What?"

I felt myself start to tear up and I quickly looked away.

"Jesus Christ, what is _wrong_ with you lately? Stop crying god dammit."

I stopped myself.

Eric stared at me with a raised eyebrow.

I blinked back at him, not knowing what he was thinking and too afraid to say anything.

"What's wrong with you? Stop it."

I blinked at him, "I... I dunno what you mean... Stop what?"

"That."

I stared at him.

He shook his head, "Never mind. Forget it."

I bit my lip, "...I'll try and get home early..."

He sighed, "Yeah. Alright."

There was a knock on my door and I knew who it was. I went and opened it to find Kenny there, "You ready?" he asked.

I nodded. I turned around and looked at Eric. He didn't look at me. "I'll see you soon, Eric..." I said. He kept his head turned in the opposite direction. I knew that he wasn't going to say anything.

"Come on," Kenny said and I reluctantly followed him. "Uh, yeah... sorry but my brother wouldn't lend me the car," he said as we walked down the staircase, "So... we're walking. But its a beautiful night and I'm sure it won't be all that bad," he smiled nervously.

"That's okay," I said. I could tell he was embarrassed about the whole thing.

As soon as we stepped outside, I discovered that it was extremely cold and I wished I had worn a different jacket. I folded my arms and tried to warm myself up and watched puffs of my own breath escape my mouth.

"Cartman seemed pissed," Kenny said, releasing a cloud of his own breath as we began our walk.

"Yeah," I said frowning.

Kenny bit his lip and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, "He didn't want you to come?"

"No."

"But you did."

"Well... yeah."

Kenny looked at me and then turned his eyes to the ground, "Thanks. I mean, I know you like Eric... or er, love him... and you musta risked a lot just to come on a date with me... even if you are just doing it 'cause you feel sorry for me..."

"It's okay, Kenny. I wanted to come."

He looked up and smiled at me.

I twitched a little in the cold and rubbed my hands together, feeling my fingers begin to numb in the cold. Kenny took off his varsity football jacket that he was wearing and placed it on my shoulders, "No, no. That's okay, Kenny..."

He shook his head, "Your lips are fucking blue. Besides, its my fault that we're walking in the first place."

I allowed Kenny to pull the jacket on me, though I felt really uncomfortable letting him do it. I looked from right to left and over my shoulder, paranoid that Eric was watching. He could have been. He could have easily followed us. But Eric wouldn't spy on me, would he?

* * *

Kenny and I walked into the school gym and I instantly spotted Stan and walked over to him, but before I could reach him, Bebe appeared and pulled him out onto the dance floor. I stopped, feeling abandoned. "Wanna dance?" Kenny said appearing at my side. 

"Uh..."

I guess Kenny sensed that I didn't, "That's okay." He paused, "Thirsty then?"

Kenny and I went to the punch bowl and Kenny poured a drink for himself and a drink for me. We walked outside the gym to the pool area where things were less noisy. We sat side by side on a bench, drinking our punch quietly for a while. I was keeping my eyes peeled for Eric, certain that he would appear at any moment then.

"You okay, Kyle?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine..."

"You seem... edgy."

I sipped my drink quietly.

"What's wrong, Kyle?" Kenny said putting his drink aside and turning to face me.

I shook my head, "Nothing... just being stupidly paranoid."

"About what?"

"Nothing..." I tried to laugh.

"Its got something to do with Cartman doesn't it?"

I was quiet.

"He's not here."

"I know."

"Did he do something to you?"

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged, "Today at school you seemed kinda... really eager to please him. You two are usually guaranteed at least one good argument a day even after you guys hooked up... Today you were just... different."

I was quiet. Did I make it that obvious?

"I won't tell anyone if you don't want to... was he angry that you won the competition and not him and he like--"

"Kenny he didn't hurt me or something if that's what you think."

"Oh."

"Eric's just... I dunno..." I paused, "He just said something that scared me a little yesterday..."

"What'd he say?"

"...Nothing." I shook my head, "It was nothing."

"It had to be something if its bugging you this much..."

I felt myself begin to tear up as I thought about what happened yesterday. I felt so stupid for being so emotional, but I couldn't help it. I stared at the drink in my hands, "Just forget it, Kenny. I'm okay."

"Did he threaten you or something?"

"No."

"Then he... threatened someone else?"

"No." I sighed, "He told me about something that... that was just pretty surreal."

"What was it?"

"It was just about something that he had done. Kenny, can we stop talking about this? I don't feel too comfortable..."

He nodded, "Alright." He was quiet for a while and he ran a hand through his long, blonde hair. "You know, I'd never... hurt you... or... scare you or whatever..."

I glanced at Kenny, "Yeah..."

"It's true. I wouldn't." He sighed, "Kyle, I just... I'm so pissed."

"Pissed about what?"

"Fucking Cartman. How the fuck did he get you? Why can't I have you? I just don't get it... And then you're acting like this and he's obviously hurting you. How could you still wanna be with that fat bastard?"

"Well, I... love him..."

"But you're scared of him."

"No, I'm not... I just..."

"You are. You said you are."

"No, I said that I was just a _little _scared about what he told me... not of him."

"Then why are you so paranoid that he's here."

"...I'm not."

Kenny scooted closer to me on the bench, "I really care about you, Kyle. I think I care about you more than anyone else in the world... I just... please give me a chance, Kyle. I'll be here for you and you don't have to be afraid of Cartman 'cause I'll kick his fat ass if he tries anything. I won't let anything hurt you."

I shook my head, "Kenny, I can't leave Eric."

"Don't be afraid to. I told you, I'll kick his ass."

"No. I don't want to leave him."

"Because you're scared to?"

"No."

Kenny was quiet.

"I'm sorry..."

He kept his stare on his feet. I felt so guilty, but I couldn't leave Eric. Maybe it _was _because I was a little scared of him, but not entirely. I just couldn't dump Eric. I was scared about the murder and all, but he obviously needed somebody to help him through this. What if the police showed up tomorrow for him? I couldn't leave him all alone then. I cared about him all too much. Kenny might've cared for me, but I cared for Eric more than anything.

I looked at Kenny, "...Wanna dance?"

He looked up and smiled a little. He stood up and took me by the hand pulling me up and leading me back inside the gym. As soon as we reached the dance floor the music slowed and I found myself suddenly pulled close by Kenny in a slow dance.

I reluctantly hooked my hands around Kenny's neck as he held me by the waist. He would every so often try to nuzzle his face against mine and I would turn my head and hear him let out a frustrated sigh.

The song ended and we pulled away from each other. As I let go of Kenny, he leaned forward to kiss me. "Don't," I warned him.

He stopped, "Sorry." He let go of me and I walked off the dance floor. He walked after me, "You don't wanna dance anymore?"

"Not if you're gonna keep trying that stuff."

"I'm sorry. I won't."

"...I think I should go home." I started to walk towards the door.

"What? It hasn't even been an hour!" he walked beside me.

"I know and you've already tried to kiss me."

"I won't anymore! I said I was sorry..."

I stopped and sighed.

Kenny took my hand and started to lead me back to the dance floor, "Come on, Kyle. It's a dance."

We danced and Kenny actually did behave himself, even when the second and third slow songs of the night came on. At one song, I felt him grab my ass, but it didn't bother me as much as an attempted kiss did. Before I knew it, the last song played and the gym was slowly emptied. The dance was over and Kenny and I started our walk back home.

We walked back home in silence. It was dark and we only had the street lights and the few passing cars' headlights to light the way. "I guess I need to move on, huh?" Kenny finally said after a while.

I looked at him.

"You're not gonna leave Eric, so... I don't know how, but I guess I have no fucking choice. You're in love after all."

I frowned, "Kenny, I'm sorry..."

"Its okay," he smiled weakly, "Really."

I felt so bad.

"Thanks for going to the dance with me... and for not walking out after I tried to kiss you."

"...It's okay."

"I just really wanted to kiss you..."

"It's alright."

"I still do." He stopped walking and I stopped too. "Can I? I mean... you know since this is kinda the end of us. I guess there wasn't really an _us_ but... you know, this is the end of what I thought could be us..."

I bit my lip, "I dunno..."

"Please? Just a kiss. A goodbye kiss."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes just as I saw Kenny lean in. I felt his lips brush against mine before they were pressed firmly. I felt him gently place his hands on my hips and take a step closer to me, pressing his lips a little harder. I heard car breaks squeak and the sound of a door slamming and I opened my eyes and gasped, "Eric!"

He stood there glaring at the two of us. Kenny pulled away and turned and faced him, "Dude, Cartman, I--"

Eric sucker punched him.

"Eric!" I yelled, "He didn't do anything!"

Eric scowled at me and I felt myself begin to tear up. I only just noticed that I was still wearing Kenny's jacket and I could only imagine what Eric was thinking then. Eric opened his mouth to say something, but before he had the chance Kenny had returned a hard blow to Eric's face, causing him to stumble backwards a little.

Eric went to hit Kenny again, but Kenny threw himself at him, knocking him to the ground. Eric grasped Kenny by the neck and shook him, while Kenny punched him repeatedly in the gut. I stood paralyzed watching the two. After a while I finally snapped out of it, "Stop it! Stop, both of you!" I ran over to Kenny and pulled for him to get off of Eric. I finally pulled Kenny off of him and the two of us fell backwards onto the hard, cement sidewalk.

Eric stood up quickly and pulled Kenny up by the collar, punching him hard across the jaw and sending him falling into the street. Before Kenny could stand up, he kicked him, sending him a few more feet farther in the road. Eric started to kick him as he was on the ground and I ran up behind him, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist and pleading, "Stop! You're hurting him! He didn't do anything! Eric, stop it! _Stop!_"

I heard Kenny whimpering in pain and I cried even louder, "_Stop it! Please, Eric!_"

Eric finally stopped. He grabbed me by the arm and started to drag me away. He went back to his car and opened the passenger door for me and I obediently climbed inside and he slammed the door forcefully behind me, causing me to jump. He got behind the steering wheel and started the car. The headlights of the car lit up the street in front of us and Kenny lied some ten feet ahead. He weakly pulled himself up and glared at the car, and at Eric behind the wheel. He lifted a hand and boldly shook a middle finger at Eric mouthing the words "Fuck you, Fat Ass."

Without warning, Eric slammed his foot on the gas and the car leapt forward.

_Thump, thump._

I couldn't believe it. It took me a while to react.

"**_Oh my God! Kenny! Oh my God!_**" I turned in my seat to try and look behind the car for Kenny. _We ran over him. Eric drove right over him. _"**_Oh my God!_**" I screamed through so many tears that now poured from my eyes.

My heart completely stopped as I saw Eric throw the car in reverse and felt the vehicle jolt backwards.

_Thump, thump._

I cried hysterically when I saw the car headlights set on Kenny lying on the floor. I saw him move his head a little, which was badly covered with blood as was most of his body. He looked at the car, blinking with his eyes barely open and I saw him cough up even more blood.

Then suddenly car jumped forward again.

_Thump, thump._

"**_Eric! You're killing him! Oh, God! Kenny! Eric, stop it! STOP IT! OH, GOD! STOP! PLEASE, STOP! KENNY!_**"

We drove in reverse again.

_Thump, thump._

I started to beat at Eric with my fists, crying and screaming the loudest I ever had and shaking fiercely. I kept my eyes shut tightly as I wept when I felt the car leap forward once more, hearing an even louder _THUMP._

After I didn't feel the car move again I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Eric. He had his hands grasped so tightly on the steering wheel, his knuckles were turning white. His eyes were wide as he stared at something. I looked in the direction of where he looked and then screamed.

Kenny lay, mangled, blood covered, and lifeless on the hood of Eric's car.


	11. The Plan

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

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**A/N: I am SO sorry that this chapter took so long, or at least longer than my usual updates. It doesn't make it any better that this is a short chapter does it? Sorry. Unfortunately, I'm back in school and so that reduces the time I have to write massively. So... I'll try my very best to have an update at least once a week and definitely try to prevent from going more than two weeks without anything.**

**Oh right... and uh, yeah... it was mentioned on how I had promised only one person would die. Yeah, er... right... I should've mentioned it before, but that idea changed like after I finished like chapter 4... 5? Somewhere around there... so, heh, whoops. Bobby just can't help herself, hehe. **

**Also, chapter 13 will be the last chapter. That's only 2 more to go after this one! Yay! How exciting! As for what comes next... well... yes, I do have a little something I've been playing with in my head.**

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**Chapter 11: The Plan**

I couldn't tear my eyes from Kenny's dead body. It looked like his head was facing us, but I couldn't see his face because of all the blood. I just couldn't believe it... Eric killed Kenny.

I didn't notice it, but I had completely stopped breathing as I stared with wide eyes, jaw dropped, and every limb on my body shaking violently. I was suddenly reminded to breath again when Eric shook me by the shoulders, "_Kyle!_"

I made a loud gasp as I filled my aching lungs with air and then immediately broke down crying in the most hysterical way I had ever experienced. "**_Oh my God! Oh my God!_**" I cried over and over again, seeming to forget any other words. I threw my hands around Eric and cried loud and uncontrollably. He held me, quiet.

Then remembering that it was him that killed Kenny, I pulled away quickly. I started to beat at him with my fists, screaming and crying. I hit him blindly, with my eyes shut tightly, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Eric gently grabbed my hands and pulled them down to my sides, still not saying anything.

I pulled away from him, and with a loud, agonizing scream I opened the passenger door and ran out. I made it maybe three steps away from the car, before I fell to my knees. I was too hysterical to even walk. I sat there, cradling myself like a crazy person, feeling as helpless, confused, and afraid as ever.

I felt Eric wrap his arms around me and I at first fought to get free, but then stopped when I suddenly felt myself calm a little at his touch. "_Kyle, shhh..._" he said soothingly, "_You're gonna wake up the whole fucking neighborhood._" His hold and his voice seemed to reassure me in a way that showed that Eric wasn't going to hurt me.

I still cried, but my body slowly relaxed its intense shaking to small mild jumps and quivers. I still rocked myself back and forth, but now in Eric's embrace. I tried to talk, but the best I could do was shape my mouth in a _woo_ shape and let out soundless air. I felt Eric's gentle hold tighten and his head rest on the top of mine, helping me calm a little more. "_Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh_--" I tried shaking.

Eric kissed my cheek, _"Shhh... deep breath, Kyle..."_

I took a deep breath, feeling my chest heave up and down in an unsteady fashion. "Wh-wh-wh-why? E-Eric, wh-wh-why? He d-didn't d-do an-an-any-th-thing..."

"I didn't mean to... I just... He was trying to steal you away from me. He was--"

"N-n-no! He... he wasn't! He... he s-s-s-s-said th-that he was g-g-gonna move on even wh-when he lo-loved me... He j-j-j-just wa-wa-want-ed a g-g-good-buh-bye k-k-kiss-s-s..."

Eric was quiet for a while. He gently let go of me, "Come on... we gotta get out of here. Somebody in this neighborhood had to have heard something and have probably called somebody by now..." He stood up.

I sat frozen on the ground, blinking up at him.

He kneeled down in front of me, "Kyle, _come on..._"

I felt myself start to cry again and I lowered my head and let out a loud sob.

"_Kyle, we have to go now... Kyle, stop..._"

I cried even more.

"_Kyle, stop it._"

I couldn't control myself. I really did try to, but I just couldn't stop.

_"Stop it!_"

I stopped, but I found myself shaking again.

"_Stop shaking like that..._"

I couldn't.

"_Stop it._"

"_...I-I-I c-can't help it..." _

_"Why?"_

_ "I'm s-s-scared..."_

"What are you scared of? Me?"

"_N-n-n-n-n-no! ...Y-y-y-y-yes! I-I-I-I--"_

I felt him press his lips against mine and I kissed back with quivering lips. He pulled away and held my face, "I love you, Kyle. Do you love me?"

I nodded slowly, "_Y-y-y-y-yes..._"

"Okay," he tried to smile as he gently let go of my face. "Now, please get up."

Eric helped me off the ground. I finally stopped shaking and wiped at my eyes with the sleeve of Kenny's jacket that I still wore. Eric opened the passenger door for me and climbed inside. He shut it behind me and walked around the driver's side and got in. The car had been running all that time. Eric switched to reverse and backed up quickly with a loud screech, causing Kenny to slide off the hood. Eric made a sharp u-turn and we started to drive off quickly.

We continued to travel down the dark streets at high speeds and the increasing acceleration of the car only made me feel worse. "Eric, please!" I started to cry again.

Eric slowed the car down.

I took a deep breath and managed to overcome the tears that were trying to escape. "Wh-where are we going?"

"I don't know..."

"...We're... We're not going home?"

"I don't know..."

I was quiet. I watched the street lights fly by, revealing blood stains on the silver paint of Eric's car every time they passed. "Eric... I wanna go home..."

"Not now, Kyle..."

"But... but we will go home, right?"

"I don't know. Kyle, first I have to think, okay?"

"...But, it's not like we're gonna--"

"_Kyle_," he said sounding a little angry, "I said I have to think first, alright?"

I bit my lip and nodded.

We were both quiet for a while. I watched Eric closely. He kept his eyes on the road, but his stare seemed unfocused and far off. I was a little scared that he wasn't even really watching the road, and at any moment we were going to spin out of control or go off a cliff.

"Kyle," he said quietly after a long time. "I'm sorry."

I was quiet.

"Kyle, I don't think we can go home..."

"Wha?"

"We made so much noise... somebody had to hear us and then they'll identify us and... we can't go home, Kyle."

"Eric, I wanna go home... Please..."

He sighed, "Kyle..."

"We'll just say it was an accident... It _was_ an accident. You didn't mean to. Eric, you said you didn't mean to. You said--"

"Kyle--"

"My dad's a lawyer! He can help us! He'll know how to--"

"Kyle--"

"We don't even know if anyone saw us! If they didn't, they can't prove it was us! There's no way they can--"

"Kyle!" he stopped the car and turned in his seat, "When they find Kenny dead, the first thing they'll find as evidence is that fucking ticket around his neck with _you_r name on it. Naturally, they'll come to you. What then, huh?"

"I... I can say that we went to the dance together... they don't have to know-- they _can't_ know that--"

"And they'll probably question people who were at the dance and find out that you were walking home with him. What then?"

"I'll just say he walked me home and then left to walk home himself and that I don't know anything--"

"And what _if_ somebody saw us? How the fuck can we deny that?"

"We'll just... we can just insist that--"

"That it wasn't us?" he laughed a little, "And how the fuck will they believe us? Its not like we have an alibi of some kind!"

"We can make one up..."

"How the hell can we do that? How can we prove that we weren't there when it happened? If we weren't there, then where were we?"

"I dunno..."

He sighed, "Kyle, we have no choice. We have to run away."

"But if we do, they'll just find us. They always do! Haven't you seen _America's Most Wanted_?"

"Kyle--"

"And then if we run away, there's no doubt that we _did_ do something and then we'll go to jail and-- Oh my god what if they try us as adults and we get _death?_ Oh, God!"

"Kyle, calm your ass down! You didn't kill anyone. If anybody goes to jail or dies its me, okay?"

"That's even worse! Oh, God! Eric, I don't want you to die!"

He held me close, "I'm not gonna die. Not any time soon that is."

I clung to him, on the verge of tears once again, "Eric, I'm so confused... I dunno what we should do... Oh, God! We're trapped! There's no way we can escape this!"

"Calm down... I'll think of something."

"You can't! We're fucking doomed! We can't--"

He shut me up with a kiss and I felt myself slowly forget all my troubles with every passing second while our lips were pressed against one another's. He pulled away and tucked a finger under my chin, gazing into my eyes, "We're gonna get through this, Kyle. Do you know why?"

I slowly shook my head, "Why?"

"You know why. You've heard it before... Love knows no obstacles." He smiled a little and then kissed me again. At that moment, I felt that we truly could get through _anything_.

* * *

Eric and I pulled up to my house. Even though Eric didn't say it, I understood that we wouldn't be staying very long. We crept upstairs to my room as quiet as possible. Eric went to his suitcase that he had brought when he first came to my house and started to throw everything he had packed back inside. I went to my closet and started to pull out my own suitcase, but Eric stopped me by grabbing my hand as soon as I reached for it. 

"You can't take anything."

"Why not?"

"I'll explain later."

"Why can't I bring my stuff? You're bringing yours!" I whispered harshly.

"Just trust me, alright?" he whispered back.

I sighed and went to my bed and sat down. I looked about my room trying to imagine never seeing any of it ever again. I'd never see my family again... or Stan... _everyone_. It tore at my heart and if I hadn't already drained myself of tears, I probably would've broke down right there.

Eric must've sensed this, because as he passed by he kissed me on the forehead and then continued to my desk. I watched him take a piece of paper and a pen, and start to write something.

"What're you doing?" I asked.

"Writing a confession."

"What?"

I walked over to Eric and stood on my tip toes to peer over his shoulders. I read as he wrote...

_Dear Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski,_

_By now you've probably found both Kyle and I missing. You may or may not see me again, it all depends on the unpredictable future, but it is completely certain that you will never see your son ever again. He's dead. I killed him. I loved your son. I really did, but some things can't go without punishment. I killed him shortly after killing Kenny, the boy he was seeing behind my back. I don't think Kyle ever told you, but the two of had been dating for quite some time. I thought he loved me, but I guess he loved Kenny more, and I couldn't stand it. I had to kill him._

_You probably think I'm sick now. You probably hate me beyond belief for taking your son away, but know that I never really had to tell you any of this, but I thought you had the right, seeing as you were his parents and all. And besides, if I couldn't have Kyle, then nobody could._

_Sincerely,_

_Eric Theodore Cartman_

Before I could say anything, Eric said, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna kill you." He folded the paper in half, "This way, they won't be looking for two murderers, but for one and some dead body that doesn't exist."

I paused for a while, "...I don't like my family thinking that I'm dead..."

"Kyle, if we would just run away, you don't think they would try everything to find you?"

"Well..."

"It's better this way."

"Well what happens if they find you and then find me, not dead after all, along with you?"

"That's why we're going to have to split up for a while."

"_What?_ Eric, you can't just abandon me when--"

"Kyle, calm down. It'll only be for a while." He paused as he went to pick up his suitcase. "We'll start driving far away, but we'll stop at Denver and get a room for you at some motel with the money we both won from our speech contest, plus some cash I took from my mom. I'll keep driving out farther and then ditch my car along the way, so then they'll find that. I'll then steal some other car and total it in some way, and somehow fake my death. When they think I'm dead, I'll come back for you. Then we'll be together and go wherever we want to start a new life."

I was quiet as I thought about this for a while, "Eric, I don't know..."

"We'll only be apart for maybe a week at most."

"What if they catch you?"

"They won't."

"How do you know?"

"They won't catch me."

"Eric..."

"They won't. Now get that prize money of yours and we gotta get going."

I went to my desk and opened a drawer, retrieving my five-hundred dollars. I picked up a picture that was in there of my little brother and I. We took it maybe a year ago on his birthday. The two of us stood side by side, the kid almost as tall as me, with our arms thrown over each other's shoulders and me pinching his cheeks playfully. I looked at Eric.

"No," he said before I could ask.

"It's just one picture."

"You can't take anything, Kyle."

"But it's been stuffed away for almost a year! Nobody knows that I still have it! Please, Eric! _Please!_"

Eric sighed, "...Alright, fine! Jesus Christ..."

I hugged him and kissed him, "Thanks, Eric."

He rolled his eyes, though I noticed his cheeks turned a soft shade of pink, "Yeah, whatever. Let's go."


	12. Dead

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

**Chapter 12: Dead**

I had done so much crying that night, I felt the most tired I ever had as Eric and I drove away from what used to be our lives. As my eyelids grew heavier and heavier, I kept my sleepy gaze on Eric, scared of the thought of the two of us separating. After awhile, I fell asleep.

Eric woke me up in what felt like seconds later. He stood at my passenger door, unbuckling my seatbelt for me, "Come on."

I blinked at him sleepily and let him pull me out of the car and onto my feet. I leaned against him, wrapping both my arms tightly around his, and walking to some unknown destination in the silent, cold, very early morning. The sun wasn't up just yet, but the black night was disappearing and being replaced with the fogged, gray day. When I finally shook off the last of my drowsy state, I noticed a key in Eric's hand, and I at long last realized that we were at the motel Eric said I would have to stay at. As soon as I realized this, I felt like crying again.

We reached a door with a golden number eleven on it. Eric took the key and opened the door. The two of us stood there for a while, staring through the doorway and into the dark, small room, before entering at the same time. Immediately after he closed the door behind us, I threw my arms around him, "Eric, please don't leave me..."

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, "Don't be like this."

We held each other in silence for a long, long time. It felt so good when I was in his arms. I couldn't imagine not having that. I couldn't survive without Eric. I felt my heart throb with so much pain at the thought of not having him. He was the only thing I had and I loved him now more than ever.

"One week," he said and kissed me.

I kissed back and held his face, refusing to let go for quite some time. I never clung to something so much, like I clung to that kiss. I wished it would never end.

Eric and I sat down on the small, rock hard bed. He took off Kenny's jacket that I wore, "I gotta leave this in the car... You know, as evidence of your murder..."

I nodded in understanding, "Can't you just ditch the car somewhere closer? You know, so you don't have to be gone so long?"

He smiled weakly, "I'll try to get back sooner, Kyle. I promise."

I smiled a little.

He reached into his back pocket and retrieved a small pocket knife, which at first sight of the blade made my eyes widen. "It won't hurt, I swear," he said.

I gulped and let him take my hand. He made a very small cut on my index finger. It didn't hurt, just like he said. It was just a tiny, little slit. He took my hand and held it up, and I watched the blood fall dripping onto Kenny's jacket. "Don't leave the room too much," he advised me as one tiny bead of blood fell after the other. Only when you have to. I got the room for an entire week, so you're covered. I'll try to get to a payphone or something at some point and update you of where I'm at." He finished his work and kissed the cut, tenderly ridding it of any blood left.

Eric stood up and before he could take one step away from the bed, I grabbed his arm desperately, "No!"

He turned around and frowned, "Kyle, I have to leave. You know that."

"I... I know, but... please just stay a little longer."

He shook his head, "I need to leave."

"Just stay five more minutes."

He sighed heavily.

"Please?"

"Go to sleep, Kyle. Okay? Get in bed and go to sleep."

I frowned, "...Well... can't you stay until I fall asleep?"

"God dammit..." he muttered, "Yeah, fine."

I smiled a little and stood up from the bed, kicking off my shoes, and climbing quickly into bed. I lied on my side, facing Eric, who pulled up a chair and sat in it backwards staring at me.

"Well, close your eyes already," he said.

I did, but I couldn't help but peak out of one eye every now and then to make certain that he was still there, and in return I got an angry "Ay!" each time. I tried to fall asleep. I really did. It was so hard though. How could I let myself fall asleep, when I knew that the next time I'd open my eyes, Eric wouldn't be there?

"Are we going to have new names?" I asked with my eyes still shut.

"What?"

"Like when we start a new life, do we get new names?"

"Sure. Whatever."

"But I like my name."

"Then don't change it. Why the hell did you even bring up changing it, if you don't wanna? And god dammit, Kyle, you're supposed to be going to sleep!"

I was quiet for a long time. I finally felt myself starting to get sleepy again. "...Eric, are you still there?" I yawned. I didn't get an answer and I started to panic, "Eric?"

"_Yes_," I heard him finally answer angrily before I could open my eyes, "But if you're not asleep within the next five minutes, I'm gone. Get to fucking bed, dammit."

I yawned, "Sorry..."

I heard him sigh.

After a while, I felt myself starting to ever so slowly drift away, as I felt weightless on the edge of slumber, "Eric..." I mumbled sleepily, "...I love you..."

"I love you too, Kyle," he answered in a voice so distant, I couldn't tell whether it was real or a part of a dream.

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes and immediately felt my heart ache when I found Eric gone. I sat up and looked about the room, which was now filled with a lot of sunlight. I glanced over at the clock at my bedside and saw that it was almost noon. Beside the clock and just beside a small lamp sat a stack of money Eric left me. 

I felt so empty. I climbed out of bed and walked myself over to the room's only window. I stared out that window for a long time, watching cars drive in and out of the parking lot area. About two minutes after that, I drew the window's curtains, blocking out the sun, and climbed back in bed.

I already missed him so much. My heart seemed to be on the verge of complete self destruction. I threw the bed covers over my head and turned on my other side. If I slept, time would pass so much faster. Why couldn't I just sleep for a week?

I eventually got hungry and I couldn't ignore my stomach and fall asleep no matter how much my heart pained. I saw that it was already seven that night as I grabbed the money from the nightstand. I tried my best to purchase a nutritious diet, but a guy can only do so much when he's shopping at a _7-Eleven_. I walked up and down the aisles for a while, before deciding on a twelve pack of _Dr. Pepper_, as well as a giant bottled water, which I figured I would refill with tap water when needed, and a carton of milk for my _Lucky Charms_. I also got a jumbo bag of potato chips, four blueberry muffins, five pre-made turkey sandwiches, and a hot dog that would be my dinner for the night.

I then crossed the street, back to the motel, and went back to my room. I went to my room's bathroom and turned the sink into a fridge, dumping a bag of ice into it as well as my water, milk, and three of my _Dr. Pepper's_. I walked back to the bed and saw outside the window a maid passing. I went to the door and stopped her for some extra pillows. I asked for two pillows, but she either didn't hear me, speak English, or want to deal with me ever again, because she piled about six in my hands.

I ate my hot dog and drank a soda while watching the news on local television. The food I was eating was hardly enjoyable. Nothing had taste. I don't think it was the food though, I think it was me. The TV might as well not have been on, because I wasn't really paying any attention to it. I simply used it as something to keep my eyes on while I ate, and something to break the dead silence around me. But the news anchor's voice was so distorted, as were the sounds of the commercials that followed. Everything sounded like it was in some weird, new language. Everything was warped. The images on the TV were blurred as well. Sometime later, I realized that maybe the tears that had unknowingly flooded my eyes were responsible for this.

When was Eric coming back?

I started to cry out loud as I sat on the bed finishing my soda. I couldn't help it. I felt terrible. I felt so alone. I thought about Kenny. When I thought about him, there was just this huge vibe of surreal ness in the air. _He was gone._ Why couldn't I grasp that?

I thought about my family. I thought about my parents crying. I thought about Ike crying. And I cried louder. I didn't want them to cry. I thought about some funeral they would have for me and all the other people that would be crying when they went to that. I thought about Stan. He had been my best friend, literally all my life. He was always there for me, and I was always there for him. Not any more... How could this be happening?

And Eric... he did all this. Why was I here? Did I have to be here? No... but I was. I didn't have to though. I could've turned him in. I would still be with my family. I would still be there for Stan. But I ran away with Eric. I ran away to help him cover up something only he was responsible for himself. I didn't have to be here. So why was I?

...I loved him.

I must've been crazy. Completely insane. How could I still love him after this? And I felt like I loved him even more. How was that possible? It didn't make any sense.

"Oh God..." I said aloud to myself, "Eric, I hope you're okay... Oh, God, please let him be okay..."

He was all I had left. I abandoned my entire life for him. He was my life now. He was all I took with me, save the old photograph of Ike and me. So how could I be expected to live here in this motel, when my life was driving out farther and farther away from me?

He would come back. He said he would. One week. That's what he said. I would only be dead for one week.

I suddenly recognized an image on TV. It was me. I was on the news.

I wiped at my eyes and strained them to focus. Under my high school photograph that was displayed on the screen, read "Kyle Broflovski, 1989 - 2005." They really thought I was dead. I tried to force my ears to work out that distorted voice that belonged to the newsman. I could only make out a few words. _Friday night... murdered... fled scene... body missing..._

Kenny was on the screen now. And then Eric. But instead of his name, birth date, and death date, there was a description of him. "Brown hair, brown eyes, white, male, 17, approximately 200 pounds, 5 foot 11 inches, mentally disturbed, and dangerous."

There was an old lady on the TV now. She spoke into a microphone. Underneath her, read "Martha Humphrey, Witness."

"I heard screeching and I woke up immediately," she said. "I looked out my window and saw a car run over something, back up, and run over it again. I realized it was a body when the car finally stopped. It was so shocking. I saw a red haired boy run out of the car, crying and screaming, but the driver stopped him before he could get away. That's when I went and called the police."

The TV showed one last picture of Kenny and I together, that I think had Stan in it too, but they simply cropped him out. We casually sat on some bench, side by side, looking over our shoulders and smiling sideways at the camera. Kenny's face was half covered with that soft, blonde hair of his, and his blue eyes sparkled, as well as his toothy grin. He had his eyebrows raised in a comedic fashion, wearing that playful look that he typically wore. And then the weather report came on.

I turned off the TV. I place three pillows on the bed and left the other four on the ground. I climbed in bed and tried to sleep. It was a little before nine o'clock.

I felt so alone, lying in that bed. I curled up, holding onto myself for comfort, but I just felt so abandoned. I wanted Eric so badly. I wanted him to be there. I knew he wasn't dangerous like the news said. I knew he wasn't crazy. I just wanted him to be there to hold me. I wanted to hold him.

I piled the pillows I had thrown to the floor beside me. I hugged them all tightly as I lay waiting for sleep. I felt a little better holding onto something then, but the pillows didn't have Eric's warmth.

When was Eric coming back?

Now all of Colorado was looking for him. I hoped he was alright. I didn't know what I would do, if he wasn't. "Please be safe, Eric," I muttered in the dark, "Please be alright... Oh God, I wish you could hear me... I wish I could talk to you... Eric, I'm so scared... Please be alright..." My eyes hurt. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't because I was at a complete loss of tears. I guess this is what I would do, while I waited and worried over Eric. Cry until I couldn't cry any longer, and then sleep until I had the strength and tears to do so again.

It all seemed like a good plan. There was nothing else I could really do. And that's what I did, for one whole week.

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A/N: Sorry for the delay. Just a reminder, the next chapter is the last chapter.  



	13. Happily Ever After

**To Hear Your Voice**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

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A/N: This is it. The last chapter. Lol, are you scared? hehe. Well, thanks so much for reading and especially for reviewing. And thanks for all the fan art for this story too. It's the most I've ever received for _anything_, and it made me feel so special. Well, I hope you enjoyed the fic and thanks again for reading. I love you all so very, very much.

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**Chapter 13: Happily Ever After**

It was the night before it would be an entire week of being separated from Eric. I had slept less and less everyday, growing more and more anxious and worried with each passing night alone. I hadn't heard from Eric at all. He didn't call or anything, and I was really afraid that something happened. My eyes seemed to be permanently swollen, red, and puffy from so much crying and it actually pained when I cried. My eyes stung and sometimes refused to produce any tears when I wept. I felt sick too. I wasn't sure if the crying was to blame, or the _7-Eleven_ diet I was on, but I just felt horrible. It started with just a cough on about the third night alone, and then it just got worse and worse. By the sixth night, I felt like I was lying on my deathbed, being both so sick and emotionally stressed at the same time.

Although I didn't have anything to take my temperature, I knew it was high, because I felt my entire body sweat and burn from so much heat, and it was completely abnormal for the cold, autumn weather. My head was constantly pounding, and it sometimes felt simply unbearable. My throat was scratchy and dry and my food had lost all its taste. When I coughed, which I seemed to do more and more everyday, I sometimes felt like I was going to choke to death, and it was hard to breathe.

I felt so incredibly lonely. I thought about me dying there, alone, waiting forever for Eric and I cried. I would stare at the one picture I brought with me, of Ike and myself for hours at a time. At one point, I started talking to it too. I was afraid that being alone in that room for so long, I'd soon forget how to even talk. I'd talk to the old photo as if it was Ike. I apologized that I didn't mean to run away and leave him. I told him everyday how more and more scared I was growing, and how I feared that Eric might have left me forever, been caught by the police, or be dead. "But he wouldn't leave me. He loves me... I know he does," I said to Ike the photograph that night in my weak, raspy voice. I paused for a moment, "But what if it was all a trick? Like he had done so many times before? What if he just _pretended_ to love me so that he would ruin my life? No. That's insane... he wouldn't do that... _He loves me_. Oh God, Ike... I hope the cops haven't caught him. I'd turn on the news, but... I'm afraid. I don't know what I would do if I turned on the TV and saw that they caught him... But tomorrow it will be one week and he still hasn't come back..." My eyes stung as I felt myself begin to cry, "He can't be dead... He just can't be... He's coming back... I know it."

My head hurt. I felt so dizzy, I couldn't even focus my eyes on the picture, and was forced to put it down. I lay on my back, closing my eyes and trying to ignore my throbbing head. "Come on, sleep..." I muttered, grasping my head which pained even more. I turned on my side and wrapped my arms around my pillows. I told myself over and over again, that the sooner I fell asleep, the sooner Eric would be there.

I finally fell asleep, not realizing that I did. I was awakened in the middle of the night by a coughing fit I had, which I had suffered from during the past few days. I sat up in bed and choked loudly, grasping my head which ached even more and did a painful jump with each cough. My body then suddenly relaxed and my coughs died down when I felt a gentle touch. It took me a while to realize that I was feeling a soothing hand move up and down my back.

I quickly looked to my side and couldn't believe my eyes. I knew that I had a fever and I was convinced that I must've been hallucinating or dreaming... Eric was there, beside me, in bed. He continued to rub my back, smiling a little, though wearing a slight look of concern at the same time.

"**_Eric!_**" I screamed and threw myself at him. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and fell on top of him and he fell onto his back, lying on the bed, and grinning at me. I cried. I just couldn't believe it. "_Oh, Eric! Eric! Eric, it's you! Oh, God, it's you!_" I hugged him with the little strength my weak and ill body could manage. He hugged me back, gently but firmly. I stared at him, touching his face, not believing it was actually him, unable to control my smiles and laughter.

He smiled back at me, with a slightly tired look, brushing a caressing finger down my face. I doubted that he had much sleep during the past week. He wiped the tears from my eyes, "You look like shit..."

I laughed and closed my eyes, pressing my face against his body and enjoying the warmth of his body that I had missed so badly. It felt so good, and I was at so much comfort, I fell into the most resting sleep that I would ever experience right then.

I woke up and saw that Eric, who I still laid on top of, was still asleep. I kept my arms wrapped around him and rested my head on his chest, waiting for him to wake up as I watched the time pass on the clock on the nightstand. It was almost noon, but I didn't want to wake him up knowing that he really needed the sleep.

He woke up and jumped a little with surprise when he saw me grinning at him, "Jesus Christ..." he muttered with a half laugh, rubbing sleepily at his eyes. He gently pushed me off so that he could sit up. He stretched his arms out in front him and yawned loudly. He looked down at me sideways and smiled a little, "What?"

I shook my head and smiled. My smile was interrupted by another coughing fit.

Eric frowned and rubbed my back, "How long have you had that?"

It took me a while to control my coughing, "I dunno... three maybe four days..."

He pulled my bangs back, feeling for a fever, and then kissed my forehead.

"It's nothing," I said, "I'm not puking or anything... its just a cold."

Eric kissed my forehead again and then threw off the bed covers and stood up from the bed, stretching and yawning again. "Ready?" he asked.

"To leave?"

He nodded.

I stood up from the bed and nodded, "Yeah..."

I clung to Eric's arm as we left the room, returned the key to the manager, and headed for the parking lot. I couldn't stop smiling now that Eric and I were reunited. I felt like everything was over, and all was behind us, and that everything was going to be just fine. We were together and would remain so forever, until the end of our lives, the world, whichever came first.

I was so lucky to have someone as perfect as Eric. I was so blessed to have somebody who would do and risk so much for me. He loved me and that love was all I would ever need. Where I was going, what was going to happen... it all didn't matter, so as long as it included Eric.

The two of us stopped in front of a dark blue SUV. He opened the passenger door for me and I climbed into the vehicle, not even questioning where it came from and who it really belonged to. I watched Eric as he started up the car. He looked at me, "So where do you wanna go?"

I shrugged, covered my mouth with my hand, and coughed a little. "I dunno... I don't care."

Eric leaned over and unbuckled my seat belt, "Go into the back seat and get some sleep."

"I'm fine."

"Fuck that, you look like shit."

I sighed, "Fine." I climbed into the back, and stretched out on the seat. "So where are we going?" I asked tucking a hand under my head for comfort.

"It's your choice."

"But I dunno where--"

"Dammit, Kyle, just pick some place. You had a whole week to be thinking about this." We pulled out into the street.

"...I dunno..." I turned on my back and stared up at the car roof.

"Well, then think about it. I gotta make a stop before we leave the state anyway."

I fell in and out of a dreamless sleep. It felt like I was sleeping hours at a time, but I was really waking up every three or four minutes.

I felt the car stop and I roused myself from my sleep and sat up, looking out each window of the vehicle. "Where are we?" I asked. I climbed back into the front seat, noticing that my head felt the most clear it had felt in days.

Eric smiled at me and then turned his gaze ahead. I looked where he looked and finally realized where we were.

"Mile High Stadium?" I laughed a little, looking at the familiar Broncos Arena that Eric and I had visited that one pointless day, "What're we doing here?"

Eric shrugged, "Just thought we'd say one last goodbye."

I smiled and looked about the parking lot where we were parked. There was a game going on and the place was packed full of cars. But we were the only visible people; everyone else was in the stadium. I scooted closer to Eric as he tuned the radio for the game. We sat in the car, quiet in each other's arms, as we listened to the game, coupled with the audible cheers and screams that came from the stadium.

Not that much time had passed when I heard Eric quietly snoring. He fell asleep, and I couldn't blame him. I guess that I should've slept too, to help myself recover from my illness, but I couldn't sleep. I felt healthy anyway. At least the healthiest I had felt in a very long time. My headache seemed to be gone and the only thing that really still lingered was that bothersome cough.

I decided to try and figure out where Eric and I should go. I sat up and scooted back into my seat. I went to open the glove compartment, thinking that I might be able to find a map or something that could help me. I opened the glove compartment and then immediately closed it when I saw something I didn't expect to see. I glanced at sleeping Eric and then slowly opened it again. There was a small handgun in there, and nothing more. I closed the compartment and leaned back in my seat pondering over whether it belonged to Eric, or whoever owned the car before him. But why would Eric need it?

It was probably just a safety measure. Just in case. After all, how could we allow something to get in the way after all the things that we've done?

And then I saw him. My mouth dropped and my eyes widened, and I sat up with a jolt. He was walking and saw me just as I saw him and stopped in his tracks, expressing the same shock as my own.

Stan turned to Bebe, who was at his side and had yet to notice me, and told her something. She smiled, nodded, and went on ahead without him. He turned and stared at me, his eyes widening even more and they seemed to fill with tears, as he slowly shook his head in what I imagined to be disbelief.

I felt myself tearing up too. I glanced at Eric and saw that he was still asleep. As quietly as I could, I opened up the passenger door and slid out. I approached my best friend slowly and shaking. I wasn't sure what to say, or what I was going to do, but it wasn't like I could just ignore him.

I took his hand and led him behind a truck nearby, so that Eric wouldn't see if he woke up. Once out of site Stan broke down crying and threw his arms around me, and I stood completely still, being absolutely dumfounded. "_Kyle! It can't be you! You're dead! You're dead! Cartman killed you! That fat ass bastard killed Kenny and then killed you! And then he ran off and-- You-- how could you be-- Kyle! It can't be you!_"

I hugged Stan for a while and then pulled away, "Yeah..." I laughed a little nervously and wiped at my eyes, "Stan... I..." I stared at my feet and then looked up at him and saw that he stared back at me anxiously. "I... I didn't mean to leave, Stan... I really didn't. I had to. _We_ had to. There was no other way..."

He slowly shook his head, "..._what?_"

I sighed, "Stan... he killed Kenny... but it was an accident and if we had stayed, they would've taken him away and-- Stan, you can't tell anyone that you saw us. We're supposed to be dead and if you say that we're alive then it all be ruined, and--"

"Kyle, you can't be serious."

I stared at him.

He shook his head, "_Kyle, do you hear yourself_?"

"Yes."

His mouth was opened, but he didn't speak.

"_Please_. Just forget that you saw me. Please, just leave and forget, Stan."

"Kyle, no. Kyle, look at what's happening... How could you do this? And for _him_. Kyle, you need to come back with me. Come back home and stay the fuck away from him."

I frowned, "Stan, I--"

"You didn't do anything wrong. _He's_ the murderer. He's dangerous, and you need to leave while you still can. Please, Kyle... just come on, I'll take you back home..."

I stared at Stan for a long time. He just didn't get it. I loved Eric and I would never abandon or betray him. He was my life. How could Stan try to tear me away from my life?

I slowly nodded, "Okay... um, wait here... I'll be right back..."

I crept back to the car, knowing what I had to do. I was scared, but I knew it was something that had to be done. I carefully and quietly opened the SUV door and retrieved the gun from the glove compartment.

I hid it behind my back as I walked up to Stan. I felt my heart pain as I thought about what I was about to do. I didn't want to, but it had to be done.

And there was no doubt in my mind that Eric and I were going to be together. We had come so far, and nothing was going to stop us. Nothing was going to get in the way.

_Nothing. _

I was determined that the two of us were going to have that happily ever after, and its what gave me the strength to hold the gun to my friend's head, and pull the trigger.

The end.


End file.
